Rules
by Four30
Summary: Kevin wants to take it slow, Addison agrees. But what's she to do when the showerhead just isnt doing it for her anymore? Who's the one person she can ask to help scratch the itch? Only one problem. Can Pete follow the rules? Can Addison? Kevin/Addie/Pete
1. Chapter 1

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New Fic time. So this chaper is basically just to set up the story. It probably wont continue in Addisons POV for the whole story, but at least for now we get to hear what's in her head. This is going somewhere fun. Kevin/Addie/Pete triangle and I'm so excited to get the next few chapters up. It's killing me to wait. I'll get them edited soon, and up as soon as possible. R&R. Let me know what you think. you know, good, bad, not worth my time. haha, enjoy.

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I can't explain it, but I've just reached that certain point in my life, you know? Where I'm ready, no more games. I want a relationship that means something. Someone who's actually going to care about what kind of person I am, what I accomplish in a days work, someone who will look past the bad choices I've made in my life and accept me for who I really am. Not just the distorted version of myself, the one I find I'm showing to others more often than not, the part I'm happily content to play, but who isn't really me, just the person I guess I wish I were. But I'm not getting any younger, and to be honest, if I were to ever let myself fall in love again, I'd want it to be it, you know? If I ever fall in love again, it would have to last, because I'd be done. I want to fall in love. The kind of love that lasts forever, or you know, at least the next forty or fifty years. I'm too old to keep falling in and out of love, too old to put all my faith into something that disappoints me the moment I decided to give it everything I've got. That's my problem, really. I put way too much faith in the men in my life. I expect way too much out of them, and way too much out of myself, too, for that matter. I can't do that anymore. I'm ready, and I deserve it don't I? The perfect life. Okay, I realize I'm crazy if I ever think it will be the textbook definition of _perfect _but perfect for me isn't all that complicated really. All I really need is someone who's going to love me back as much as I love them. Someone who isn't going to run at the first sign of conflict, someone who's going to care enough about me and about _us _to be willing to fight, to work hard to keep what we have going. I want someone who wants to grow old with me. Is that so much to ask, damnit?

When I talk to Kevin, I think I see potential. He's unbelievably sweet, very nice smile, different from any man I've ever been with, which at this point, is probably the best thing he's got going for him. I've been out with him a few times now, and I'll be honest, I can see this going somewhere. Not forever, or marriage necessarily, but I'm willing to overlook that at this point. But could I ever fall in love with him? I'm not sure yet. He says he wants to take it slow. I completely agree. At least I should. I always make sex a major priority in my relationships. Maybe it will only help us in the long run if we wait. It might just give this relationship a real chance. Which I owe myself. A real relationship. When was the last time I had one of those? Yeah, maybe never. So this might be it, my first real chance to be an actual grown up, who has relationships, who behaves the way an almost forty year old woman should.

So answer me this, then, will you? Why do I feel the constant need to jump Pete Wilder's bones every time he looks at me? You're right. It's just because I'm sexually deprived, that's all. I haven't slept with anyone in, God, has it really been a year? Yep, I'm positive it has. To tell you the truth, the shower-headisn't doing it for me anymore. I almost crave it, intimacy. I can't even remember the last time I'd had sex that meant something. Angry sex, revenge sex, lonely sex. When was the last time someone made love to me because they wanted to? Did that kind of love making even exist anymore? At least for me? Probably not. I shouldn't want that kind of sex anyway. It never brought me anything other than more heartache. I should focus on my "relationship" at hand. When the time presented itself, eventually, Kevin and I would reach that point, wouldn't we? Eventually. So why can't I think of anything other than Pete's magic hands of healing all over mine? It's just because I miss sex, right? I'm a woman, okay? There's only so much Addison and her shower-head can accomplish, and trust me, it's nothing to write home about.

It's wrong if I ask him to have sex with me, isnt it? Of course it is. We've tried that already. It didn't work out. Not even close. But maybe that was because he was scared that if he'd slept with me I'd automatically be looking for more from him. But, now, it would be different. It would be just sex. No strings, just something, someone, to help me scratch the itch. Then I could stop thinking about him, no, stop thinking about sex, long enough to give my relationship with Kevin a real chance.

Yeah, who am I kidding? Didn't I just get done telling you that sex has complicated every one of my past relationships? It's complicated every single relationship _anyone_ has ever had for that matter. I'm a complete fool to think that a strictly sexual relationship with Pete is even possible, right? He'd been such a good friend to me these past few weeks. But then again, if he really did care about me, he'd want to help me, right? Could you just agree with me, even if you do think I'm totally full of shit? This is Pete we're talking about. The guy who isn't, hasn't ever, been looking for anything real or substantial.

I think I'm going to ask him anyway. It cant hurt anything. The worst thing, he'll say no, and I'll be right back here, just me and my shower-head. If he says yes, we'll establish a few rules, do our business, and be on with our lives. Yeah, I'm making it sound way too easy, right? Well what other choice have I got really? If I ask Kevin to help me scratch the itch, I'll send him running straight for the hills, I know it. At least with Pete I know that sex only relationships are what he does best. I'll make sure he knows he isn't obligated to give me anymore than I'm asking for, that I only really need the one thing from him. He can't possibly turn me down could he? I need to have sex way too badly to think that he would.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask him, tomorrow. I think this is the only choice I have. Eh, who am I kidding, this is the most _ridiculous _choice, definitely _not _my only choice. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder about what it would be like. If it were anything like I'd fantasized about, it could possibly be the best sex I'd ever had, and who am I to pass up an opportunity such as that, huh?

So, it's decided then. Today after work, I'm asking Pete to have sex with me. No strings, no emotions, no baggage, just sex. There would have to be rules, though. Rules are going to be crucial.

Oh shit. Do I honestly believe Pete can follow the rules? Can I? I hope to God we can, otherwise, this may have been the worst plan I've ever come up with. I guess I won't really know until it happens. I'll have to let you know how that goes. Wish me luck.

Lord knows I'll need it.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, there he is. He's in the break room, all alone, just do it already. Come on, I've made up my mind. I'm going to ask him. Really, I am, I'm just not sure how to go about it exactly. He wouldn't really say no, would he? Oh God, If he says no I'd never be able to look at him again, shit, I'd never be able to _work_ with him. Please God, let him need uncomplicated, no stings attached, good old fashioned sex as much as I do, please. It will be easy, just take a breath and explain it to him. Ha, yeah, a lot freaking harder than it sounds.

"Pete."

"Oh, hey Addison."

"Look, there's something I need to talk to you about. Well, ask you really. A favor, sort of," I blurted. I'm chewing so freaking hard on my lip right now I'm about to break skin here.

"Okay, sure."

"I… uh. Crap. I can't. I'm sorry I bothered you," I finally spit out. Uh, yeah, way harder to actually say it than it was just thinking it in my head. What am I doing?!

"Addison, what is it?" He asks, all Pete like, and sexy. Like he thinks I wont be able to keep my mouth closed now, now that he's looked at me like that. Oh God, just DO it, Addison.

"I need you to have sex with me." Oh shit. I don't think I even paused between words. That came out like total vomit, definitely not sexy. Shit, he's really going to want to have sex with you now, jackass.

"What?" He responds quickly. Yeah, he looks like he's never been more terrified of me in his life. This was definitely a bad idea. Find a way to get yourself out of this, now. NOW.

"Look, I know I scared you away before with all that talk about wanting more and I know that isn't what you want. So, I'm offering you this. Just sex. No strings. I just really, _really_ need you to have sex with me." Smooth. Yep, he'll totally say yes now. . .

"Okay." He's drawing the word out slowly, so he's thinking about it. "No strings, really? What about Officer Manly?"

"I'm still seeing Kevin. He wants to take things slow and I don't want to scare him off. I really like him."

"So you really don't want anything else from me? Just sex?" I can tell he's really thinking about it now. Hallelujah, there is a God, and he really, really wants me to get laaaiiid. Perfect.

"Yes, Please." I respond. Totally in control, I am good. It would be wrong to have sex right now, wouldn't it?

"What makes you think it can be that easy?" Oh shit. Now he's _really_ thinking about it.

"Why does it have to be complicated? It will only get weird if we let it, and we wont. We're adults. I'm not interested in you and I think we both know you're certainly not interested in me." Ha, I wonder if that sounded like as much of a lie to him as it did to me.

"I'm not so sure that's the whole truth, Addison." Yep. He definitely knows I'm lying.

"Look, I just thought I'd ask. You're my friend and I trust you. But if you don't think it's a good idea then just forget it." Please don't say forget it, please, please.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Shit. It's okay, be an adult, don't be embarrassed. It's probably for the best anyway. Just be friendly, act like nothing weird is happening.

"Okay then.. I'll talk to you later." After I kick myself repeatedly for ever having this god damned idea in the first place.

"I don't think it's a good idea, but I didn't say I wouldn't do it. If you really want me too, I'll do it. But I think we'd better establish a few things, otherwise, It's going to get…"

But he's interrupted. Someone's knocking on the door. Who could possibly want to interrupt now? I do believe Pete was just agreeing to make a woman out of me, or whatever, and someone's interrupting. How freaking thoughtful.

"Sorry to bother you, but Addison, you have a patient, and Pete, Sam is looking for you." Okay, yeah, thanks Dell. Now get out.

"Okay, We'll be right out, just give us a second." Thank God, Pete's closing the door. And now he's coming over to me, so close that we're almost touching. "I was going to say—

"Complicated," I cut him off, knowing that if I let him keep talking I'd never keep it under control. "Yeah I know. How about you come over tonight and we'll talk about it. Eight O' clock?" Oh god. Maybe I should have suggested his place. I think we all know what happened last time he was invited over to my place…

"Okay."He says as he starts for the door. He's smiling, grinning even. Oh shit, did he just wink at me? Does this man have any idea what he's doing to me? Don't answer that. Yes he does, and for once, I don't think I mind.

--

--

She wants to have sex with me? Uncomplicated, unemotional sex. In reality that sounds perfect, exactly the kind of request I wish every woman made. But Addison? I mean, it's obvious that she _does _something to me. It scares me, really. She was just standing there, looking stunning as always, telling me she wants to sleep with me, no expectations for more. Why is that leaving an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach? That's what I want. Sex. And sex with Addison would be ideal. My mind is playing tricks with me. There's no way I really want more from her. Yeah, this will be perfect. . . ugh, who am I kidding? I'm the guy who sat on her front porch for three hours waiting for her to get home from a date with_ another guy_. A guy she'd said she was still seeing, but with whom she wasn't asking to sleep with her. She was asking me. What in the hell is that supposed to mean!? A trick? Make me think she doesn't want more, waits till I'm completely sucked in, then tells me she lied and that she wants an _us_, knowing I'd be too far gone to ever disagree. No. She seemed completely serious, just sex. Which is almost making me feel worse. She wants sex with me, but to _be_ with someone else. That would usually be okay with me but with her it's only making me frustrated. I don't want her to love him. But it's not like I'm ready for her to love me either. Or maybe I am. God, I can't think straight, which should be the biggest red flag right there not to do this. But I can't not. I've been thinking about sex with Addison pretty much every day since I met her. Sex once may not do so much harm. If it gets too emotional or weird or whatever, it stops. Yeah, this is definitely a good thing.

Who am I kidding. I'm already falling for her. No matter how hard I try to convince myself not to get my emotions involved, I will. I'm totally screwed. And what happens when I finally admit to myself that I have fallen for her? Will I run like a coward like I always do? The last thing I want to do is break Addison's heart. Which is why this is so hard for me. I've never cared before who's heart I was breaking as long as it wasn't mine getting broken again. For so long after Anna I never cared, no one was worth the trouble of caring, but Addison is, and now I do. I can't hurt her, I wont, no matter what that means. This could end up being very, very bad. Suck it up. You told her you'd be there, and you will not, will NOT stand her up again.

--

--

It's ten after eight. I know I shouldn't be freaking out. Plus, we never really agreed the sex would happen tonight, I just invited him over to _talk _about the sex some more. He's going to come, right? My huge ego just couldn't take it if he blew me off again. I think he knows better. He's my friend, and I think he realizes I'd probably never speak to him again if he decided not to show. Oh thank god, the door bell…

"You came." I say, steady as possible, though my nerves are making my whole body feel numb.

"You thought I wouldn't." Yep. Forgive me for not totally trusting you again.

"I guess I should have figured you would this time. Before there were expectations, this time I promised none." Hopefully my tone disguised any pain behind the words.

"Addison, it's really not like that. I'm sorry about before…" Aww, I think he might actually be serious. Wait, don't get emotional. Don't feel anything.

"Don't. Lets not worry about the past, alright? Come in," I ask moving to the right a little so he can pass by me. He's got a bag in his hand. "What's that?"

"Dinner." Dinner? "You can't ask me to sleep with you without at least letting me do something for you. I'll feel a little cheap, and dirty."

"It's not really supposed to be…"

"Just shut up and let me cook for you. This way you can fill me in a little more on exactly how you plan on this all working out." Oh God, he just yelled at me a little, and it was sexy as hell.

So I just nod and he turns around and starts to work in my kitchen. The kitchen I think I have used all of once since I moved here. He began pulling groceries out of the bag he brought with him, and I just watched quietly. I'm sure Pete thinks I'm gathering my thoughts about what was going to happen next, and I should be, but I'll I can really think about is Pete. He's got a dark blue t-shirt on, just tight enough that I can make out the lines of his shoulders and the muscles of his chest underneath. Never in my life have I known anyone who wore a t-shirt so well. And when was the last time a guy cooked for me? Without me asking? He was good, really good.

I'm pretty sure I was staring off into space because his voice just snapped me back into reality.

"Am I going to have to guess what you're thinking?" Um, you look sexy as hell, and I'd tear your clothes off right now if you'd let me.

"Sorry." I mumble instead. "I… look, I think this can be really easy. I just have a couple of rules I think need to be followed, and if there are any you want to add, feel free."

"What if I don't agree to your rules?"

"Well then I guess you wont be having sex with me then." He's smiling, huge. I can't take much more of this.

"You're mighty demanding considering _I'm_ the one doing _you_ the favor."

"Oh, don't pretend you don't like this idea just as much as I do. This is what you _do_." Oh shit. That was a little uncalled for. "I don't mean that as a bad thing.. it's just—

"Lets hear the rules." Thank God, he's not mad, or at least not showing it.

"Um, okay, well most importantly we have to remember that it's just sex. So no sleepovers, no need to be all clingy after or you know…"

"Okay." He agreed, and then he turned off the stove and started dishing up some of the best looking chicken and rice I've ever seen. I decide to get up and grab a bottle of white wine from the rack behind me. I hold it up to him and he nods in agreement. I grab two glasses and then he's meeting me at the table, both plates of food in hand.

"Next, no talking about feelings, of any kind, whether they have to do with the sex or not."

"Ha ha." He chuckles between bites, "No talking, got it."

"No one finds out about this. If it ends up being a one night thing or happens again on occasion, you get to tell no one."

"You don't get to tell anyone either." Oh, I love how he figures _I'm_ the one who's going to gossip, please.

"We're friends with the same people."

"Right, so no telling those people, done."

"No talking also means _we_ don't talk about it. At work, when we're alone, whatever. We don't talk about what it _was_ or what it _means_."

"I'm a pretty smart guy, Addison. No talking means, no talking." Smart ass. Very sexy smart ass.

"Fine then, one more. The big one, rule number one. You can't fall in love with me." I feel childish and stupid for even saying this one out loud, but I have to, right?

"You can't fall in love with me either." Okay, so he's not actually going to give me a straight answer. I should have figured, but he doesn't fall in love. What am I worried about?

"Not going to be a problem," I assure him. "I'm still seeing Kevin, don't forget." I add the don't forget, but I know for a fact he hasn't. And the jealousy I see in his eyes when I mention Kevin's name all but confirms it.

"Right, which brings me to my rule." He's got rules? This should be interesting.

"Okay."

"The second you decide to sleep with Kevin, I'm out. I don't want to be… it would feel wrong. Not to say this whole thing isn't wrong to begin with but even so… I can't be the other guy." I'm not sure if I should think this is sweet, or be angry that he's getting too involved already. He's making it sound like it's going to be more than a one time thing, not that I'd really be complaining if it were.

"Okay, I get that. That's fair."

"And— If one or both of us feel like it's too much, we get to say we're done. Say you're out and it's over, no arguments."

"I agree."

Well that was relatively easy. Dinner helped relax things, and Pete didn't make the situation as awkward or as difficult as I figured he would. Now he's taking my empty plate from in front of me and going to the sink. He's going to clean up, too? Damn, Pete, who knew. I should help right? Since I sat here and all but drooled right on him while he prepared everything. Yep, helping is good. I grab a few items from the stove and follow him to the sink.

"Dinner was great, thank you."

"You sound surprised," he said turning to face me. He was looking at me right in my eyes and my breath hitched in my throat a little before I could speak.

"You never told me you cook." Not that he's told me much of anything.

"I cook. Anything you want. I'm that good." Ahh, there's the cocky reply I'd been almost positive was coming.

Did he just move closer to me? I can almost feel him. I wonder if he can hear my heart beating, because it's about ready to pound right through my chest. Calm down. It's not like he's the first man you've ever been attracted to. No, but he is the first one I've ever attempted to sleep with without wanting more. I know I will. Even if my head keeps telling me not to, my heart is definitely saying something different. Which is the whole freaking point of this. No feelings, no hearts, focus Addison.

Focus? Impossible. He reaches a hand for the small of my back and pulls me so that the space between us is gone, and I almost lose it. The chemistry between us is palpable. The electricity so strong, it scares me. Even if we tried to deny it, there would be no way to hide it now, no going back. Our eyes are locked and I swear to you we are about to combust here.

He pressed me against the counter then, and gently ran both hands down either side of my face. They stopped just below my jaw and held there firmly. My eyes searched his for a moment, trying to read the emotion there, but I could see no doubt, no fear, only welcome and want. And though I could have tried harder for a reason to stop, I didn't and I tried to make sure he saw the same things in my eyes as I saw in his.

Before I could even think to breathe again he'd captured my lips in his. It was slow and deep, the kind of kiss you felt everywhere. The kind that took your breath away and made you forget everything. The kind that made you feel, the kind that made you _feel _… But I suddenly started thinking too much. I can't be feeling this much, not from one kiss. So I pull away.

"What are you doing?" I ask stupidly. Duh.

"Kissing you." You sure are, very well, in fact. May possibly be the greatest kiss I ever remember getting, but that's not the point.

"You can't."

"Kiss you? This is going to be awfully difficult if I cant kiss you." You think?

"It's just that when you kiss me something _happens_ to me. I get this feeling in my stomach and it makes my head all cloudy and I cant… I cant—

"Think straight? I know, I feel that too. But, Addison I cant do this without… I know you want to check our emotions at the door and all that bullshit, and I will, but I do care about you. As hard as I'm going to try to remember that this is only sex, I cant forget that it's _you_. And whether I've given you enough cause to believe me or not, I do care about you. You could never be just some woman I have sex with. You mean something to me. So I get to kiss you, even if that blurs the boundaries a little and pisses you off. I just… I cant do it any other way. Okay?" Did he really just admit that? I'm sure that's a mistake. But even if it is, it doesn't change the fact that he said it, and that I actually do believe him.

"Okay," I manage to mumble, but I'm already pressing my lips back to his, and I can't be sure if he'd heard me.

I completely gave in then, we gave in. Rules or no rules we wouldn't go back now; the kissing was making my head cloudy, his breath felt way too good against my skin. Before I realized what was happening I was up on the counter and he was wrapping my legs around his waist. We'd been here before, only this time I was going to do something about the fact that we were wearing too many clothes. I tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt but I get too afraid to pull it up over his head and stop the kissing. For whatever reason, he felt the hesitation and let go of me long enough to pull himself free, and then returned his lips to mine immediately. Remember before when I told you that I'd never known a man who wore a t-shirt so well? Yeah, well it also happens that he wears _no _t-shirt just as well. And I can't help myself, I have to touch, to make sure my mind isn't deceiving me, so I run my hands slowly along the strong contours of his shoulder blades and the firm muscles of his chest. The kissing isn't stopping either, which I'm very, very glad about. The kissing is, oh yeah, the kissing is good.

I can't even tell you what was happening next, because honestly I'm too lost in him, but somehow the rest of our clothes find their way too the floor, my legs wrap a little tighter around him, and then, well, I think you can guess what happened after that…

It was quick, but not in a bad way, not in a 'I didn't get any pleasure, it was all over too quickly' kind of way. Just heated, which was to be expected. Lets be honest, this was kind of a long time coming. But don't get me wrong. I _felt _something. I felt it all over. The friction between the two of us was so hot I was sure my skin was burning, and my face was completely flushed, no help in hiding my emotions, not at all. He continued to kiss me on my mouth, hard, as we moved together. And he was holding me, closer than I'd expected, but then again, nothing was really as I'd expected. The way I'd felt when our bodies were together, I couldn't remember feeling that with anyone else. I couldn't breathe, and when I gasped for air his lips decided to collide with my neck and chest, giving my lips a break. I couldn't resist sinking my fingernails harder into his broad shoulders which I had been helplessly clinging to. The minutes felt like hours and nothing but us mattered in those moments. Before I knew it, he was whispering my name, and I his, both spilling over into our release together.

I needed air. Litereally my heart had stopped and I couldn't find it. But he was looking at me, watching me, his own uneven breaths flowing out over my skin, and he smiled. I began to inhale, shaky and panting, and my smile matched his. We needed more.

"You have dirty in your eyes," I managed to shake out. I cant help it and I bring my hands to touch his face, I trace a line across his strong jaw with one and use the back of my other thumb to brush his bottom lip.

"You have dirty in your eyes," he teased, his strong arms still holding me to him.

"So, does that mean you're going to follow me to the bedroom now or not?"

"Definitely following you."

When the door shut behind us I honestly lost track of time, and thought, and place for that matter. The only thing I needed was what I already had. And though I can't, won't, be caught saying these next words to anyone out loud ever, I'll tell you, and only you, that Pete and I made love to each other for hours. But if anyone asks it was just sex. Great sex. Okay, mind blowing, life altering, exceptionally great sex.

This will definitely be happening again.

It's not even at all awkward after like I thought it might be. We lay beside each other for a few minutes trying to regain breath and strength, laughed a little at how easy it had been, and then before I knew it he was standing, searching the room for clothes that weren't there, and I laughed again. I went to the nightstand, threw on a t-shirt and followed him into the kitchen where he had made his way to the sink and began pulling his clothes on. He started to laugh again then, and I couldn't figure out why, until he handed my blouse back to me. He'd successfully managed to pop off all but one of its buttons.

"Sorry about that." He grinned.

"It's okay, I've got other shirts." Plenty more buttons for you to break.

"Addison, I know we're not supposed to talk about the sex, but that was…" It was what? Incredible. Sexy. Intense. Amazing. Yep, but if you say that out loud, I might never let you leave.

"Yeah, it really was," I agree, before he gets the chance to finish. "Thank you." Uh oh, he's crunching up his face. What did I say?

"Okay, new rule. You don't get to thank me for sex. It makes it seem like this was… like we were just.. like I was using you. And that is _not_ what happened—

"Pete," I interrupt, "Stop talking." But I smile at him, bigger than I've possibly ever been able to smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he agrees, and makes his way to the door. But he turns around to me right before he closes the door behind him and matches my smile with his own, "Good night, Addison."

"Good night, Pete."

* * *

You have know idea how many versions of this chapeter I had. Both POV's. Just Pete's Just Addisons. and It ended up a weird mixture of both. I have a feeling I might just end up going back and forth, to do them justice. Unless it's too confusing. And then maybe I wont. Let me know what you think. If it makes sense at all. Like it or not, anything helps. Thanks for R&R, continue.

PS: I own nothing. Sure wish I owned my own Pete to do dirty things with though.

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	3. Chapter 3

"Good Morning." Pete greets me with a particularly large smile on his face.

"It really is." I agree.

"Can't say why though…" He's cute when he's trying to play dumb.

"Nope," I agree. "I guess someone must have had a good night last night."

"Yeah, I guess so." His smile just got bigger, which I thought were impossible, but no, and now he's raising his eyebrows at me and then he cocks his head a little to the side.

"Stop looking at me like that," I insist.

"Like what?"

"Like you want to have sex with me again. Your face is going to give everything away."

"I do _not _want to have sex with you again." Lie.

"Ohhh, yes you do. If it was even half as good for you last night as it was for me, I can only imagine what you've spent the morning thinking about." Oh shit, oh shit, Addison you did NOT just say that.

"Ha," he breathes, pointing a finger at me. "You just admitted that you've spent the morning thinking about how much _you_ want to have sex with _me_ again." He's still smiling at me, and it's true, so I cant even begin to form any sort of comeback. My best bet is to change the subject.

"We really shouldn't be talking about this," I demand and try to push past him for the door.

"You started it," he accuses and then moves to stand directly in front of me.

"Get the dirty out of your eyes," I manage to say, though him staring right at me is making it difficult to breathe.

"Oh, I think we both know which one of us is the dirty one, Addison. Or do I need to remind you of what exactly happened last night." Damn it. Again with the sexy, and the annoying, but he's right, again, and I can't form a coherent comeback.

"Go away from me," I finally spit out, and slip past him through the door.

"Tonight?" He calls to me through the open door and I turn around and close the door behind us as quickly as I can in fear someone would over hear us at any moment.

"I can't tonight. I have a date with Kevin."

"But we both know you wont be spending the night with officer manly. Come over after." Oh God, I can't think. Someone tell him absolutely not before he smiles at me again and I agree.

"I don't know…"

"Yes you do," he assures me. His confidence infuriates me, and turns me the hell on. I need to get out of here.

"Go away from me," I demand, again. But he doesn't move, he just stares at me, and then cracks the tiniest of smiles, and it's over. I shake my head at him, a little bit in anger, mostly in defeat. He won, damn it. We were so having sex again tonight.

--

--

Kevin stops to collect me for our date promptly at eight, and he's dressed nicely, a blue button down shirt and nice slacks.

"You look nice," I blurt out as he walks me to my side of the car.

"So do you," he comments back, and I smile.

When we arrive at the restaurant I realize it's fancy, and that I've never been here before. He's really trying to impress me. Very sweet, but I don't really need it. I would have been perfectly happy staying home and making dinner myself. Okay, I'm a terrible cook, but maybe he cooks. Pete cooks. Shit. You are on a date with Kevin. The one who you're supposed to be making a relationship work with, hello… I will NOT think of Pete again on this date.

When our food had arrived we had settled into good conversation. He was full of good stories, he comes from a large family, and I like that. He recounted stories about work, and it really was amazing that he risked his life for others on a daily basis. Very sexy.

I avoid talking about myself, though, and I can't tell you why. Every time he'd ask me something personal I'd give a one word response and change the subject back to him any way that I could. He didn't seem to notice really, or mind very much if he had caught on. Honestly, I don't know why. I'm just not ready yet. Would I ever be? Sooner or later I'd have to clue Kevin in on the fact that I'm not exactly the picture perfect version of myself I'd hoped he'd been seeing. What if he didn't like the person I really was, or used to be anyway. Why am I feeling so damn insecure? This wasn't like me. I guess I'm just hoping for too much. I really want this relationship to work. I like him, a lot. But in my head I wanted this to feel _so _right, but what felt right was something completely different now. Though I hadn't thought about him much the whole night, every time I thought of telling stories of my damaged past, Pete was the only person I imagined myself telling them to. But I'm just getting my feelings all confused. Pete was just sex, not a relationship, this was, with Kevin. It would get easier, I just needed to relax. Talk to him.

But the weird confusing feelings were back as soon as he'd brought me home. He leaned in to kiss me goodnight and I suddenly realized that it was weird kissing someone else. Not awful, just different. It was a good kiss, just odd. It made me feel different than kissing Pete did. I can feel in the kiss that he cares for me. It was slow, sweet, and almost completely innocent. Innocent was the last word I could use to describe kissing Pete. When Pete and I kissed it was like something exploded in the pit of my stomach. When we kissed it was enough to make the earth move. It felt like it were a last person you'd ever kiss for the rest of your life kind of kiss.

I pulled back, my head spinning in thought, thanked Kevin for a great evening, and turned into the house. Damn it. Why, why, why.

I could feel Kevin's intentions and his feelings through the kiss, and I liked that. And honestly, I was just hot for Pete, I couldn't be certain that he felt what I felt from our kisses. So what the hell do I chose? A kiss with a future or a kiss that stopped my heart?

Why couldn't it be both from Kevin, or Pete for that matter? Duh, because it was supposed to be confusing. Love for me was never easy, always complicated. I could end things with Kevin, keep sleeping with Pete, but who knows where that would really lead. If I knew one thing about Pete Wilder it was the fact that he was more unpredictable than anyone I knew. That and the fact that he and I had the best sex I've ever had in my life. Yeah, I said it, just don't tell him. It will inflate his already enormous ego.

Even if I were to give it up for him, wouldn't he break my heart? 9 times out of 10 the answer to that question would be yes, but what if? What if this once it could be different and he could… love me. My heart physically ached at just the thought. Imagine what it felt like between us last night, him moving above me, holding my face, whispering my name. What would if feel like if with all those things he could be telling me he loved me, doing those things because he loved me, because we loved each other.

STOP. Just stop that right now. Don't be an idiot. That is not possible, never. Never think of that again.

Think of Keven, of what it would be like to love _him_… Ordinary. It was easy to picture what life would be like with him. Nice, not particularly complicated, predictable. Which is maybe just what I need. But I'd be settling for less that something that I really want because what I really want is too scary to take a chance on.

I don't think I even know what I want to do anymore. My head and my heart want different things. My head says Kevin is the safe choice, kind, attractive, successful, good for me. My heart is telling me that safe isn't what I need. It's telling me to choose the guy who makes my skin burn with desire, who holds me close and whispers my name while making me feel the greatest pleasure I've ever received.

Though my head is practical and justified and I should trust my head, I cant help but want to follow my heart. Even if the possibility of it breaking is looking to be the only outcome if I do.

No emotions. I told him that. I should be remembering that too. I had a very nice date with Kevin tonight. I would definitely not be opposed to many more dates with him if I had my way. If only my damn heart would stop screaming at my head.

Damn you heart. Now all I can think about is seeing Pete. It's almost midnight but I grab my keys anyway and proceed to fly down the PCH to get to him. I don't call, it would ruin it, and I'll bet you anything he's been waiting.

--

--

I am a complete and total idiot. I fell asleep. And now someones knocking on the door—please God let it be Addison—and it scared me awake. So here I am, wearing only a pair of sweats, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes as I stagger to the front door. It's her, and God she looks beautiful.

"Oh my God, I woke you up." She offers sweetly, definitely worried she was intruding.

"No." I reply. Way to go there jackass, your hair is pushed up all funny and you got one pant leg up and one down. You for sure don't look like you've been sleeping.

"I am so sorry." She puts her hand up in defence and then looks like she's about to turn and leave.

"It's no big deal. Do you wanna come in?" Please God let her be turned on by messy hair and ratty old sweats. At least I was shirtless. Maybe that would work in my favor.

"No, I'll go. You should go back to bed. I'm so sorry I bothered you." Bothered me? Only as in _hot_ and bothered.

"I want you to come in, please?" I smile at her, as best as I can through the groggy feeling still washing over me, and I think it must have worked, cause she's smiling too.

"Okay. But not for too long. I don't want to keep you up. " If she only knew. Her keeping me up is about the only thought on my mind right now.

She steps slowly through the door, wanders a little ways into the living room and then sets her purse down on the table next to the couch. She's never been in my house before. She's obviously scoping.

"What?" I ask her as her eyes continue to wander around the room.

"Nothing. Just looking. I've never been in you're house before," she replies.

I can't help but move closer to her. It's impossible to keep my distance from this woman. She looks amazing. She's wearing a blue dress that hugs every curve of her body perfectly. Then I remember that she's come from a date with that jackass Kevin and I want to kill him at the very thought of him getting to see her in that dress, too. Infact the thought of _any man _seeing her in that dress but me seems absolutely wrong.

"I like it," she continued on about the house, "I mean, if I were a hippie, I'd like it—

But I cut of her sarcastic remark by grabbing her gently around the waist and kissing her. Soft, but firm. She's surprised because it takes her a second to respond, but when she finally does, _damn_. I could do this—kiss her—forever. It's better with her than everyone I've ever kissed before her. My lips close perfectly around hers and she lets me keep control for just long enough before she slides her hands behind my neck, parts my lips with her tongue, and presses her teeth softly into my lower lip. Then she makes this sound, when I kiss her harder, deeper. I know she feels it everywhere, that little throaty moan says it all. When I hold her against me, she fits perfectly. Which reminds me, I'm standing shirtless here, she's over dressed. The blue dress ties in the front, and as soon as I pull on the tie, it falls open. She lets her hands down from my neck to let it fall from her arms. Underneath the dress she's wearing a little black lace slip. It's low cut and clings to her in all the right places. I realize then that she'd worn this just for me and I'm suddenly no longer worried about officer manly seeing her wearing the blue dress. I got _this_. I slowly thread my fingers through her hair and she brings her lips back to mine.

"Pete?" she breathes.

"Yeah?" I'm not stopping the kissing.

"Are you still tired?" She pulls back and she's half smiling and she's got that look in her eyes.

"Not at all," I manage to breathe out, but my lips never really leave hers so I cant be sure what she heard.

She wraps her arms tighter around me though, so I think she understood, and before I know it I'm pulling her legs up around my waist and carrying her to the bedroom. Not that we needed a bed. The counter sex last night was quite possibly the greatest sexual experience of my life, and I'd easily go for a repeat. But who am I kidding, every place we had sex last night was amazing. Best sex I've ever had, with anyone, ever.

When we get to the bedroom and are sucessfully horizontal, we continue making out like crazy teenagers for quite sometime. And we're holding eachother. She's got one hand flat on the square of my shoulders, the other the small of my back. I cant help but hold her face with one hand, the other running somewhere a long her thigh.

But as the need to feel our bodies together grows, final articles of clothing fall to the floor, and then…

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm positive that I've never felt this way. I know you probably don't believe me and I could be lying, but I'm not. Every touch, kiss, the way her body fits with mine. It's unthinkable. I've been telling myself for years that I'd never find anything close to this and now… And now she's holding me like she never wants to let me go. Not a problem, really. I'd gladly keep this going as long as she'd let me.

I cant be sure, but I think she feels what I do. I mean, she has to right? There's no way in hell we could possibly be doing this if it were one sided, we just couldn't. But I cant tell her now, that I feel something for her. She'd yell and insist I broke the rules and then yell some more. I know her. She may think I don't, but I do. Not as much as I'd like to, though. I'd know everything about her if she'd let me.

Which should sound scary, and with any other woman it would, but not Addison. _I_ should be more scared, but I'm not. I can't explain why it's different, but something about her makes me want to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

So I take her hand from my shoulder and lace my fingers with hers. She smiles up at me as our pace becomes quicker and I almost wonder for just a moment what it would feel like to love her. How… _perfect _this moment might be if I could tell her. But I can't, love her, yet, even if I want to. Instead, I kiss her as hard as I can, with everything I have, hoping that for now that will be enough. She breaks the kiss to gasp for air and lovers her face into my neck as I whisper her name softly into her hair. She moans that sexy throaty moan I was telling you about before, wraps her free had tighter around my neck, and arches her back up so that her breasts are tight against my chest and I'm done. I don't know how I manage to last as long as I do. One look, one touch from her is enough to do me in. But she follows quickly after and we're suddenly searching for breath together, my hand still holding hers.

I'm exausted. Not that I couldn't spend the next few hours making love to this woman, because I certainly could. And yes, I said it. I don't care if it's supposed to be just sex. With her it wont ever be. Just don't tell her, okay? Let her figure it out on her own. It can't be long before she does, if she hasn't already, because I'm not even trying to hide my emotions anymore. But we were at it all night last night like horny teenagers, I'm tired, and all I can think about is how badly I want her to stay.

It's been at least ten minutes and I'm still half on top of her. I can't be sure how comfortable it is for her, but we're still holding hands and her free arm is wrapped tight around my middle. I can feel her smiling into my chest. Which is a good sign, right? Maybe she does feel the same. Well, a guy can hope.

It's only when I feel her yawn against my chest that I realize she's probably going to get up soon. She's tired too, and she's not supposed to sleep over. I suddenly realize I'd give anything to stay exactly as we are. Do anything to give her a reason to stay.

"I should go," she yawns again. I should _ask_ her to stay.

"You're tired," I observe instead, rolling onto my side and pulling her with me a little, and she follows. I cant help it, and I reach up to brush a piece of hair from her face and she smiles.

"If you're trying to get me to compliment your skills…"

"Ha ha," I laugh mockingly. She's laughing too, but then she's pulling away from me and sitting up. Damn it Pete, think of something.

"Addison, it's almost two in the morning. You shouldn't drive home, it's late." Eh, it's something.

"Pete…" She stammers. I'm making her think, that really is something. But now she's up from the bed, oh shit.

"I'll sleep on the couch," I offer. Ask her to stay damn it, ASK her. "You should stay."

"I"ll be fine," she assures me.

"If you insist on leaving, then I'm driving you home." I reply, standing from the bed now, too.

"You're just as tired as I am," she observes.

"True, so why don't we both stay?" My heart was in my throat as the words came out. Anyone could hear it in my voice, how I felt for this woman, she was leaving now for sure.

She makes her way for the door, but instead of walking through it, she grabs a blue shirt that's hanging on the back, pulls it over her arms, buttons one or two of the buttons up the front and then returns to the bed. Oh. My. God. She lays down on her back, hands folded across her middle, and stares at the ceiling.

"I said so sleep overs. So talk to me." What in the hell, we wont be sleeping? Exausted, me, remember? Whatever, ass hole, she's in your bed, are you an idiot? "Talk to me so I don't fall asleep."

"About what?" I ask, grabbing my boxers. I pull them on quickly and then imitate her same position in bed. We're not touching anymore, and I don't like that. If I pull her into me, do you think she'd go? I'd like to think the answer to that question is no, but I can't chance it. At least this way she isn't leaving me.

"Ask me anything." Oh God, where do I start? Um… Do you have any idea how wonderful you are? How beautiful? How much I'd like to repeat tonight for as many nights we have left in our lives? Yeah those would really freak her out. Ask her something simple.

"Whats your favorite color?" Fuck. I'm an idiot.

"Really? Out of all the questions you could possibly as me, that's the one you're going with?" She's laughing it me, and it's sexy, so I'm thinking that was worth it. Way to go.

"Well what was I supposed to do? I can't just ask you if I'm the best sex you've ever had right out of the gate. You've gotta build up to the good ones." She's shaking her head at me, but she's smiling.

"Fine, you're right. It's blue..." Mine is too, your blue eyes, the way you look in the blue dress. "… and you are."

She just said that right? My heart is in my throat again. I can't speak. Tell her you feel the same way before you miss your chance dumb ass.

"Elvis or the Beatles?" She asks. Too late.

"The Beatles." Of course, and she's nodding in agreement. This is actually fun, I told you I'd know everything about her if she'd let me. "First Kiss?"

"His name was Michael Morgan, we were in sixth grade." Lucky bastard. "You?"

"Her name was Emily, I was in the fourth grade, she in the sixth." She's laughing again, and damn it if it's not quickly becoming my favorite sound in the world. Right after the throaty moan. "Lost your virginity when you were…"

"Ninteen."

"Twenty."

"Did you get along with your parents?" She asks next.

"My mother yes, always fought with my father, but only because we're too much a like. You think I'm a hippie? You should meet my father." When I said it, I almost regret it, its too much, although I don't mean for it to be. But she rolls over on her side to face me and smiles softly. I turn in to face her, too.

"My parents died when I was twenty one. Car crash." That's enough to almost crush me, I'm dying to pull her into me.

"Are you an only child?" I ask instead.

"Yes."

"So you were all alone?" I ask, out of turn, but she doesn't seem to mind.

"Yes."

"You're far more brave than I. I still don't know what I'll do the day I lose my parents, and I'm a grown man." She smiles and then reaches toward me and rubs the back of her thumb across my cheek. I lock my eyes with her, and it scares her, because she pulls her had back quickly.

"Are you happy?" She asks, but about nothing specific, and I'm not sure how to answer.

"Right now I am exceptionally happy." That worked, she's grinning at me.

"Good answer," she compliments, then continues, "But I mean, in general, in life are you happy?" I don't even know where to start. The truth?

"The work I do makes me happy. I know you don't believe in it, but it's the one thing I found I could count on when there was nothing else. But I don't know, I mean, personally, life has sort of found a way to allow me to find myself in unhappy situations more often than not. I can't say I didn't ask for some, maybe most of them, but eventually it got to me, and I just stayed angry with… I was just angry, all the time." Okay, that was some version of the truth. Was I really ready to tell her all of the truth. Not yet. Can't ruin the moment. "Is that why you moved here? To be happy?"

"Yes. I got so good at pretending that I could have fooled anyone. I fooled myself. The truth is I haven't been happy for a very long time."

"Until now, of course." I tease her, and she blushes a little.

"Yeah, until now," she agrees, but then her eyes find mine and her tone gets serious, "Really," she assures me. Damn it, I make her happy. If that's not the sexiest thing she's ever said to me... Her mouth keeps jutting open a little like there's something more she wants to say.

"You look like you want to say more."

"I was going to say thank you."

"I told you, you're not allowed to than me for se—

"I'm not thanking you for sex. I'm just thanking you for making me happy." Oh, lord. Heart, in throat, again. I can't not touch her anymore, not after that.

I'm looking right into her eyes and I know that she meant it. I see it, I can feel it. Everything is different now. I'm going to kiss her, and not because I want it to lead to more sex, or because I just cant get enough. I need to kiss her because she said I make her happy. Me. I can kiss her just because I want to, because she's mine, and I want all of her, starting now.

I pull her slowly to me and softly cover her lips with my own. She doesn't pull away, in fact she leans into me and I feel her kiss me back.

It's almost… innocent, compared to every other kiss we've shared. But I can tell you that it means more to me than any others put together because I know she feels it to. She's mine, there's an us, I feel it. When I finally pull away, her eyes are still closed. She keeps them that way for a long moment, then finally exhales and looks up at me. She puts a hand on either side of my face and really looks at me.

"Pete… I…" I cant see it. She felt it too, in that moment I knew. And she's trying to say it, and she's searching my eyes for assurance that I feel the same. She's the one my heart has been waiting for. I love her, really I do. It's ridiculous how hard and how fast I seem to have fallen, but it doesn't make it any less true. And she loves me, too. "I think I'm... Pete, I—

Oh my God, she almost said it. She loves me. But something suddenly snaps in her head, like she's trying to fight her heart not to speak the truth, her brain wont let her see straight. She pulls away from me and stands up.

"I should go." She whispers, but I know she doesn't mean it. I should tell her I love her, too. But I can't now, not when I know she wont say it back. She's made up her mind, at least for tonight, that those three words wont be said. Can't be said. Afraid that they will ruin everything, change everything, challenge everything we know, and it will, but it's worth it.

"I wish you wouldn't." I offer instead. My eyes, my voice plead to her, but I know deep down she wont change her mind.

"I know, that's why I should." She leans down then and kisses me again quickly, like it's a habit. She kisses me like I can imagine she would everyday, every time she left my side. Whether it's quickly beftore she leaves for work in the morning or as she leaves me home while she has a night out with the girls. My head is filling with thoughts. Not heathy. Must Stop. "Goodnight, Pete." At least she isn't saying goodbye. But that doesn't change the fact that it hurts me to let her go.

"Goodnight, Addison."

And then, just like that, she was gone.

* * *

Thanks for all of the lovely reviews. Can I tell you just how excited I am that PrP is in two freakin' weeks. I'm in need of some Tim Daly lovin, thats all I can say. Next couple chapters are coming soon, I've got a little break from work coming up, yay. Soo, enjoy, let me know what you think always. :D

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

I've been avoiding him. It's been a week since the night I left and honestly I've said maybe five words to him that weren't work related. He's been fine about it, though. He's been friendly, and not weird, giving me my space. Which I shouldn't be thinking too much about, right? I mean, it's a good thing he's not driving me crazy with questions about what's going on with us or why I've decided to stop talking to him. Wait, why _did _I stop taking to him again? Oh yeah, I almost told him I loved him! Even worse, I think he might even love me back. Okay, it's way too soon to be thinking that—period. This was supposed to be physical, sex only. That's all this is, these feelings, it's just an infatuation with sex. We had amazing sex together, that's all. I couldn't love him. I don't know him. But that's not chancing the fact that I want to. The only thing is, I'm terrified. If I get to know him my feelings are only bound to grow, right? And then what? He cant possibly want anything more than what we have. I keep repeating that over and over to myself hoping it will convince me that it's the truth. It's just that that night when he looked at me, I saw something. Potential. And I felt it too, which makes me question everything even more. What if he is serious? What if all this time he's been acting the way he has—dating and dumping women—and now he's ready to be different, for me. I should owe him that, the chance to show me that it's different. But I am terrified, did I mention that? Terrified to jump. I can't have my heart broken again and Pete's the kid of guy I would want to have a… Oh God, I cant even say it. I cant even say out loud that I could see us with a life together. A pretty damn great one. Great sex, conversation. He makes me laugh and when I'm with him I feel like a new person. Okay, I have got to stop this. This is ridiculous. There is no way that any of this could possibly be going on inside his head, right?

--

--

So, I'm done. I've let her avoid me all week and it is going to stop today. I gave her space and time to think or whatever the hell it is she's doing, but this is getting ridiculous. She's alone in her office now. I'm taking this opportunity to tell her that I absolutely do not like being ignored.

"Hey." I knock, and she looks up from her desk, obviously surprised to see me.

"Hey," She offers awkwardly.

"You've been avoiding me." And I hate it, I miss you.

"No, I haven't." She is a terrible liar.

"Yes, you have. And that's okay, I'm glad to give you your space so you can figure out, you know, whatever. But it's been eight days, and I'm done."

"You're done what?" She looks worried, like she thinks I'm breaking up with her or something ridiculous.

"I'm done being avoided. I miss you."

"Ahhh," she breathes, looking defiant, "You miss having sex with me." Yes, in fact, I most certainly do. But not nearly as much as just miss _her_. Her smile, her laugh, everything.

"Not knocking on the sex, but no, I just miss you."

"Pete, don't say that. You don't mean it. Look, I was wrong okay? We just need to go back to the way it was before." What the hell is she saying?

"You were wrong about what?"

"I thought I could sleep with you without feeling things I wasn't supposed to feel, but I… We have to stop Pete. It's not what either of us want. You do not want me to want things from you and you are certainly not ready to be in any kind of relationship with me."

"Okay. Stop it. You don't have any idea what I feel or what I want. Why don't you just stop assuming for one damn minute and just ask me. Come on Addison, humor me."

"What do you want?"

"Easy; You." I have walked toward her, and I am impossibly close to her. I can tell I'm making her nervous, making her question every single word I say to her.

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. This past week with you avoiding me, one thing became evidently clear. You are a part of my life that is key to my happiness. I don't like not being with you. It hurts me."

"Pete, I…"

"Don't do this. Don't make this harder. If you're scared, that's okay, I'm scared too. But I've waited too long to find you just to stop now just because I'm scared. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves to try."

"I can't _try_, Pete. That's not enough for me."

"I can't promise anything more than that."

"Exactly. It was just the sex, Pete. You think you feel this way, but you don't. You _can't_."

"Is that what you keep telling yourself? That these feelings are simply sex induced? That what we feel isn't real?" That's right I said what _we_ feel. I know she feels it too, and if she denies it I'll go crazy.

"Yes, It's not real, Pete, it can't be."

"I'll prove to you that you're wrong."

"How?"

"No more sex. We're not twelve and you're not just another notch in my acupuncture table. You'll see." I turn for the door then, I can't leave any time for her to argue her way out of this.

"Where are you going?"

"I have patients. But don't make any plans for tomorrow—you're busy."

"Oh, am I? Doing what exactly?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh, great."

"I'll pick you up at one, dress casual."

"So, what? We're dating now?"

"If that's what you want to call it."

"Pete," she tries to protest, but I'm already out the door.

"See you tomorrow, Addison," I call back down the hall to her.

--

--

The doorbell rings a few minutes after one o'clock and my heart jumps a little. I open the door for him and he's staring at me.

"You look good," he tells me. Is he serious? _He _looks good. He's wearing a fitted long sleeve black t-shirt. I can see every muscle in his arms and chest and, _damn_ he looks… wow. He's wearing jeans, too. So simple, but honestly, he is the greatest looking man. I can't breathe. "But those shoes aren't gonna work."

I look down. I'm wearing heals. I'm in freaking jeans, damn it, and the most casual top I own. I mean, come on! At least they're closed toe!

"Why not?"

"I told you it was a surprise, but I can tell you, you're going to need tennis shoes."

Am I a total girl if I tell him I don't have tennis shoes that match this outfit? Yeah, I totally am.

"I'm not really a tennis shoes kind of girl."

"I've noticed. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want… We can just do something else." He looks a little disappointed. Damn, Addison, suck it up.

"No, no, just wait one second, I'll be right back."

I run upstairs and change my shoes. They don't match what I'm wearing and I look like an idiot, but I'm actually excited to spend they day with Pete. So, screw it if my shoes don't match. . . Oh my God, did I really just think that? This is _not_ good. I make my way back to the stairs and I can see Pete waiting for me.

"Okay, I'm just warning you I look like a fool. These do not match, but I …"

But he's at the bottom of the stairs pulling me down by the waist and then he kisses me. It's slow, but I feel the passion. All the emotions from our last night together are rushing back to me. I suddenly realize that I'm a complete idiot to have run from him—from this. This has got to be the greatest feeling in the world. One of his strong hands is holding my body tight to his, the other gently holding my face. If I could kiss this man forever, I would. This man can kiss. And he's kissing me. I suddenly get the feeling deep in my gut that I'd be the biggest jack ass to ever want to kiss anyone else.

I pull away slowly and look at him.

"If we don't leave now, I'm afraid we'll end up in bed all day."

"I can be easily pursuaded…" He cocks an eyebrow at me, and he's way too freaking gorgeous for his own good.

"Come on, you had something planned, didn't you? Plus you said no more sex, remember?"

"Yeah, I did," he agrees shaking his head, "Lets go."

As he lets his hand down from my face he puts it into mine and pulls me toward the door. We walk together down the steps and around the corner to the drive and I stop in my tracks.

"Ohhh, no. No. I can't. We can't go on.. on that." He wants me to ride on his freaking motorcycle?

"Nope, no protests. It's not scary, I promise. We wont crash. I even got you a helmet." He bought me a helmet? That's extremely sweet, unless he didn't buy it for me, and it belongs to one of his many previous girlfriends. Just be adventurous for once in your damn life, Addison.

"It will mess up my hair!" Oh my God. You are such a girl.

"It will look sexy," he insists, smiling at me, "Come on."

He throws the helmet over my head and pushes gently until it's all the way secure. He flashes an unbelievably large, devastatingly sexy grin that is enough to make this ridiculous helmet wearing almost seem worth it—almost.

He throws his quickly over his head and then he actuallly laughs at me.

"You've never been on a motorcycle before, have you?

"Nope."

"Okay, just keep your feet here and don't touch this. It's the exhaust and it will burn the shit out of you."

"Okay." Oh God, am I actually going to ride this thing?

"Don't be nervous. It will be fun."

He climbs on, lets it idle and then waits for me to climb on behind him. Oh God, here goes nothing.

"No bullshit, Pete. I don't want to crash."

"Just hold on to me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

We slowly pull out of the drive and my heart is in my freaking throat and not in a good way. I am scared out of my mind. But my arms are wrapped around his waist and I can feel every muscle in his chest flex beneath my touch. I lean even further into him and I can only imagine how my breasts must feel pressed into his back. Though, I'm terrified, there's something strangely intimate about the whole thing, and I may just be able to find a way to like it.

We drove for what felt like an hour, at least, and I'm starting to get used to leaning my body with his when we trun and I guess you could say I'm not completely terrified anymore. Infact, it's actually not bad at all. With anyone else I'd still be scared out of my wits, but not Pete. He makes me feel completely safe. On the motorcycle, of course.

We're up in the hills now. I cant tell you where exactly, I've never been here before, but it's beautiful. It's hazy, but from the road we're on, I can see down into the city and my heart races a little. It's kind of romantic to be up here, just the two of us, me holding on to him.

We stop a few minutes later, he gets down first and then turns to help me. He pulls his helmet off and then turns to me. Oh lord, I am going to look ridiculous. Oh well, I've come this far.

I pull if off slowly, run my fingers through my hair a few times and then pull it back into a high ponytail.

He laughs.

"This is beautiful up here, you know if it weren't for all the haze I'd be able to see the whole city. I've never seen it like this before."

"I thought you might like it."

"Is this where you bring all your first dates?" I tease, but truthfully I hope the answer is no.

"Technically, this isn't really a first date. I think our first date counts as the night I cooked for you. And then if you count the other night, well, this is at least a third date. And no, you're the first person I've ever brought here."

"Why do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Say something that completely surprises me?"

"Surprises you in a good way?"

"Yes."

"I'm not saying anything to surprise you, it's just the truth. You ready for lunch?"

"Lunch?"

"Well if more of a snack really. I cant fit much in here," he said motioning to the compartments on the back.

He retrieved a box of crackers, cheese, some grapes, bottled water and a small blanket. He laid it out underneath a large tree.

It was cool in the shade. It was the first day in October, and for LA I suppose it was a little chilly. I should be used to the cold, but I have been loving the warm. I sat down next to him and pick at the grapes slowly, still trying to take everything in. I'm trying to look at the view and not at him, but I cant help it and my eyes always find their way back up to his arms, his chest, his face, his eyes.

"What?" Oh God, he can tell I'm staring it him, great.

"Nothing, just still trying to figure you out, I guess."

"What else do you want to know about me?"

"Where do I start?" We laughed together and I feel myself relax a little. "Do you come here often?"

"I come here sometimes just to think. I usually come at night. Up here away from all the lights you can almost see the stars. It relaxes me."

"You're different."

"Different than what?"

"Than what they say. From what I thought. From what you pretend to be sometimes. I like you, a lot. I didn't think I would but I do. I…" Oh God, I am acting like a freaking teenager who's never sat next to the boy she likes before. I am completely freaking out here.

"So, why are you acting so jumpy?" Great, he can see what a fool I'm acting like, too.

"You make me nervous."

"Why?" he laughs.

"Because you.. this just seems a little too good to be true, I guess. You disappoint me, and now you just make me feel like everything I thought and felt was wrong. I want to feel things with you and for you and that absolutely terrifies me." Well at least I finally told him the truth.

"It's okay. For you to be scared, I mean. You have every right to be apprihensive."

"That's the wrong word. It's just that when I'm with you I feel… I almost told you something the other night, something I had no business saying, we hardly know each other."

"You wanted to say you loved me." He looks me right in the eyes and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

"But I can't say that."

"Can't because you _don't _or cant because of what it will mean when you do." Oh God, oh God.

"I have feelings for you Pete. I know I said I wouldn't and I broke the rules, but I do. And I don't want them to stop, but I'm not ready, to love you. My heart isn't ready for that."

"Is it because you're afraid I'll hurt you again? Because I never want to hurt you. You're the first woman in years who's made me feel that way. I know I did, hurt you, and you can call me a jack ass for the rest of my days for doing it if you want to, but I swear I won't hurt you again. I'm different, you make me different."

"We're both not ready for this," I say, and I'm still looking him right in the eyes. I don't want him to agree with me, I don't know why I said that at all.

"That doesn't change the fact that it's happening anyway." It's happening to him, too? This thing between us, he feels it too? Well he did say he wanted you, Addison. That he missed you when you weren't with him, that you make him different. Let him show you that it's different. Just freaking jump already.

I can't speak, though, all I can do is sigh into him and he wraps his strong arm around my hip and pulls me all the way against him. We stayed just like that for the longest time, not saying anything, just enjoying the silence. Trying to pretend that what was going on between us might not be the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to either of us. He finally looks down at me and smiles, something mischievous in his grin.

"Want me to teach you how to drive the motorcycle?" Is he out of his freakin' mind?

"Absolutely not."

"Come on. You trust me don't you?"

"As scary as this is going to sound, I actually do."

"So, then let's do it." He's pulling me up from the blanket by my hand and dragging me over to the motorcycle.

"I don't want to crash."

"I'm _not _going to let anything happen to you." He says with so much conviction I cant help but hear the double meaning mixed in there. Jesus, I'm actually going to do this? This man can get me to do anything.

Before I even realize what's going on, I'm sitting down on the motorcycle. Pete hops on behind me, his strong thighs tight around mine, his broad chest and shoulders cover my back and he reaches around me for the handlebars. Something inside of me jumps and it sends a warm sensation through my entire body. Oh Jesus, help me.

"Okay, you ready?"

"Maybe we should put our helmets back on," I say and we both laugh.

"Nah, you can hear me better without it. Plus, I told you I—"

But I cut him off, "Yeah, yeah, You're not going to let anything happen to me, I know. Tell me what I need to do hippie boy." That's more like it. I hate it when I get all awkward and don't know what to say to him. We're much better when we banter. I really love the banter.

"Okay. The right handlebar is the throttle which decides how fast we're going to go, and the front break. The left is the clutch. You know what a clutch is, right?"

"Ha. Yes. Throttle, break, clutch. Got it."

"Your right foot controls the back brake, and your left will let you switch gears."

"Oh God, there is no way I can do this."

"Put your hands and feet on top of mine. Once you feel how to do it, you wont forget."

"You make it _sound_ so easy."

He's so smooth, and the funny thing is, I don't even think he realizes it. In one swift movement he kicked the kickstand, did something to the clutch thingy and started the engine.

"Okay, I engaged the clutch, so when I turn the throttle, I'm going to let it ease out slowly."

As soon as we stared moving he lifted his feet from the ground and I did as he told me, hands and feet on top of his. We went from slow to a little faster and then back to slow again. I almost think I understand what we're doing. Throttle, clutch… but when I think about the clutch I feel his hand underneath mine and my thoughts immediately cut to what it feels like when his hands are all over _me_. Holding our bodies together, brushing the hair from my face gently after he's driven me to freaking delirium. Damn it. Now all I can think about is having sex with this man again. Focus Addison.

We finally work up to shifting to another gear, and then we start the slow to fast and then a little faster again. Then we slow to a stop and he reminds me not to grab the front break in fear because we'll go flying over the handlebars.

"Okay. Switch places. My hands on top of yours, just until I'm positive you know what you're going."

Honestly I've been thinking more about me and Pete naked on the blanket over there than I have been on this clutch, throttle, shift, bullshit. Plus when he leans in to talk to me I feel all of his muscles press into my back, and his hot breath on my skin. This has got to stop.

"Pete, you're making it hard for me to breathe. I can feel your breath on my neck and your body on mine and honestly I'm not concentrating on the god damned clutch. All I can think about is you."

As fast as he'd started the motorcycle, he's slammed it off, kicked down the kickstand, placed his feet on the ground and turned me around so that I was facing him. He grabbed me around my face and held it just inches from his.

"You are a horrible student."

"It doesn't help that I've got a teacher who's so damn distracting."

Our lips collided then, my legs wrapped up around his waist, my arms pulling him so tight to me that I almost couldn't breathe. His fingers were pulling at the band from my hair letting it fall to my shoulders. He thread his fingers though it and I suddenly feel myself being pushed back against the handlebars.

"Pete…" I manage to breathe and he must know I need it now, because as quickly as he'd turned me to him on the bike, he'd pulled me off and he was freaking carrying me back to the blanket.

"Addison, I thought we decided…"

"_I _never decided anything. I wasn't prepared for there to be no more sex. I didn't know last time would be the last."

"Excellent point," he agrees and he returns his lips to mine.

I can feel my body begin to shake at the very thought of what I knew we did when we came together. It was like the would caught fire and nothing else mattered but the two of us. That must explain why I'm not even worried about the fact that Pete is taking my clothes off, outside, where anyone could walk or drive by and see us at any moment. But I don't care, I don't care about anything but this.

We're a little rougher this time than we've been before, and maybe it's because we know we wont be doing this again for a while, but whatever it is, it's pure pleasure from the moment it begun. He's gotten my shirt over my head, and he's biting and pinching at my nipples through my bra and I swear to God if he doesn't get it off me soon I'm going to have to reach back and do it myself because I _need_ to feel him on my skin. I'm also not sure if we've ever been this vocal before, but I cant stop myself and he can't either.

"You are so beautiful," he manages between kisses and my heart catches in my throat. "But are you sure you want to do this here?"

"How do you suppose we ride home on the motorcycle if we stop now?" I question just as I reach down for him, and yep, he's totally freaking hard, and I know he cant wait. "But I don't want to force you to do something you don't want…" I giggle, quoting him from earlier, and that does it. He pulls his shirt over his head and his boxers and jeans down in two swift motions and I groan in pleasure.

His lips are back on mine as he finally reaches behind me and unclasps my bra. I tug at my jeans and his hands find mine and we push them down together.

"The motorcycle foreplay was enough, Pete. I need you inside me, now." I almost beg and I don't care.

Instead of giving me wat I ask for he just laughs into my hair and says, "Patience, Addison."

And then his hands are all over me, teasing me, but it feels so damn good. His touch was hot in contrast to the cool air around us, it feels amazing, and I cant help but start to shake. I groan loudly again when I feel his hot belly rub against mine.

"Pete…"

And then he was there, in one quick motion we were finally together, and all of the feelings I've felt every time we've been together are back, and when he begins to thrust into me I realize that this man has taken me to all kinds of places, filled me like no one before, and it's not just my body, but my heart, too. I almost can't look at him, if I do, he'll know. He'll know, and I'm not sure if I'm ready. Damn it if I don't want to be.

"Addison, look at me."

When I do, it's too much, and I know my heart has never been this full. I'm his. In that moment I'd given my heart to him. I love him. Even if I cant say it. I do. My feelings are too strong and my eyes begin to burn with tears.

"Are you okay," he says as he stops moving and brings his hands to my cheeks to brush away the moisture.

"I can't explain it. It's… you, this. It's everything, Pete."

"It's never been like this for me before, not once."

He kissed me fiercely then, grabbed my wrists and threw my arms above me, and pinned them down to the blanket. We moved together so perfectly, with so much need, that it only took a minute before I was screaming his name as loud as I freaking could. I didn't care who heard me.

At that moment, him on top of me, us both trying to find breath, a car drove by, quickly and I'm sure they saw nothing, but I panic a little anyway.

"Oh, shit." I say. I should be embarrassed, but the thing is, I wouldn't be here doing this with anyone else, only Pete, and I have to laugh. I laugh because this man makes me want to do things I've never done, he makes me different, spontaneous, he makes me so happy I feel like my heart might just burst from my chest. It feels so damn good.

He's laughing too, and we're searching around us for pieces of clothing.

"Pete, you do realize we just had sex in the _dirt_."

"Technically, it was only the blanket that was in the dirt. At least it wasn't your ass." I cant help but smile.

"I just… things with you are… I don't usually—"

"I don't make it a habit of having sex in public places either, Addie, but with you I just cant help myself."

Did he just call me Addie? I thought my heart couldn't possibly be any more full of him, but then he had to go and pack _that_ right in there, too.

Twenty minutes later, everything packed, and we're back on the motorcycle again. This time I'm not scared at all. In fact I've never felt more taken care of, more safe, and when we get back to my house and he's walked me to the door, letting him leave me is simply not an option.

"Pete Wilder, that may have been the best first date I've ever been on."

"Do all your men get lucky on the first date? Or am I special?"

"Fine," I slap his arm, "It wasn't a first date."

"It was one for the books, though," he agrees.

"Would you like to come in, maybe order some dinner? I'm starving."

"Yes, I would like that very much." He smiles at me so that I swear I can see every one of his teeth and I almost lose my freaking mind again.

--

Three hours, two pizza's, and eight beers later, we were sprawled out together on the couch watching MASH re-runs on the Hallmark channel. Every once and a while, Pete would laugh from deep in his throat and my head, which was resting on his chest, would move in time his his body and my heart would beat so fast I swear we could both hear it above the sound of the television.

He kissed my forehead and ran his hand through my hair and I don't even remember falling asleep. All I can think is how unbelievably right this is. It's only when I feel him scooping me up from the couch and carrying me to the stairs that I become fully conscious again.

He holds tightly to me as we make our way to the bedroom. He kicks open the door and gently pushes back the covers and sets me down. He leans in and kisses me on my eye lashes, my nose, my jaw.

"Goodnight, Addison." He whispers, and then he turns to go.

"Wait, you're not staying?" I prop myself up on my elbows and wait for him to turn around to me.

"I'm not supposed to sleep over, remember?" he smiles.

"Screw the rules. We've broken more than one of them already, anyway." Don't make me beg for you to stay. I will, but I wont like it.

"Alright, make room for me, Montgomery."

I smile and slide over while he removes all articles of clothing but his boxers. I wiggle out of my jeans, pull my bra out through the arm of my t-shirt and he climbs in next to me.

He wraps an arm around me and I roll into him. His strong hand is around my waist holding me against him and one of my hands immediately goes to his chest. It was like we'd been doing that every night since we'd been together, every night for forever. We didn't say anything to each other, we didn't have to. His eyes just held mine and in that very moment I felt him silently giving his heart to me, too, just as I had with him earlier. He kissed my lips softly and I closed my eyes, my head falling perfectly into his neck.

I'm not sure how long had passed but after a long while, I could swear I heard him whispering my name, I didn't open my eyes, though, and my silence seemed to convince him I was sleeping because he started to speak. He whispered something so soft I almost wasn't sure if it had actually happened. But my continued silence encouraged him and he whispered it again louder, and then again.

I almost started to cry. Holy. Shit. This certainly changed everything. He'd just broken the most important rule of all.

* * *

New Private Practice tonight made me realize it was more than necessary to post this chapter tonight. I missed the show so much, and I'm so glad it's back. But there was a serious lack of AddiePete and that hurts my heart. SO this chapter is for me, and all you other shippers out there. It's going to be a long season, hopefully I dont murder hot cop before shonda does. ;)

I also own nothing, if i did, I'd skip the pointless guest star boyfriend thing and just get them together already.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

If someone were to ask me exactly what in the hell it was that I was doing with Pete Wilder I don't think I'd be able to give them an accurate answer. As much as we've been through and things we've done in such a short time, there still isn't a clear definition for what we're doing. I told him my heart wasn't ready to love him, but I think that may have been a lie. I asked him to stay with me last night, and I have to tell you, I felt a hell of a lot more than I ever wanted to or thought I could feel. He told me he loved me last night. He loves me. I thought he might, I could see it in his face, but I didn't want to believe it—maybe I still don't. He didn't really say it to me anyway, he thought I was sleeping. Yeah, what the hell was that about? What in the hell am I supposed to do now? Am I supposed to pretend like I didn't hear him? Would it freak him out if I told him I'd heard every word? Yes. Who am I kidding? I may not know every single detail about this man's life, but I do know him, and he'd freak out. I'll wait until he says it to me while he knows I'm conscious. If he really means it, he'll say it again. And maybe when he does, I'll say it back. Once I've had more time to figure a little more of this shit out.

But even still, the irrational part of my heart wants to reach up and whisper that I love him too. But the part of my heart that is actually connected to my brain puts that thought to a grinding halt. Plus, if he heard me, and I really did freak him out, he'd probably run, which would mean moving from this unbelievably comfortable position we've been in all night and it feels just too damn good to ever contemplate moving. So I just sigh, half in defeat, half in pleasure and curl tighter around him. I'm pretty sure that he's still asleep, but as I press myself against him I swear I feel him pulling me closer, breathing me in, and wrapping his arms just a little tighter around me. He loves me. And even though this is more messy that I could have ever possibly imagined, I feel like I couldn't have found someone better who should love me; someone better for my soul. And though it's scary, every second I spend in his arms melts every ounce of fear built up inside me. Suddenly I know I must do everything I can to know this man, learn everything, because I need this to work, I need this to be real. While the bliss I feel is exceptional, I don't just want physical, I want everything. And more than myself, I need him to want that too.

Give me another hour, then I'll actually wake up and tell him exactly what I want. But for the next sixty minutes, all I want is more sleep, with this man, holding me just like he is.

--

--

She's drifting back into sleep, which is good, because for a second there I was sure all the thoughts in my head were actually loud enough for her to hear and that is terrifying me. Mostly because the thoughts I'm having are terrifying me. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, in fact, for once in my life I actually don't feel like I usually do. I don't feel like running or hurting her before she has the chance to hurt me, or feel scared that what we have will never work. I really do love her, and the only truly scary thing about that fact is that I'm not sure whether or not she'll ever believe me. The date yesterday went well—okay it was better that that, it was pretty un-fucking-believeable—but I think my track record in love hasn't exactly got her feeling like we could be seriously talking about forever here. And really, I've been laying here all night thinking about it-- forever. Addison in my arms forever and damnit if I can't explain why. Okay_ I _know why. It's her. Her beauty, laughter, kindness. She changed me and what I thought I wanted for myself. _I_ know why, but I'm not sure if she'll ever believe that I've changed and I need her to. She deserves to feel loved and cherished and understood and I will do whatever it takes to make her realize that, realize that I can be the one to give her all of that. I wont tell her I love her until I am positive one hundred percent that she'll believe that I mean it in every possible way so that she can want it and give everything I am feeling right back to me.

Don't ask me how exactly I am going to pull this off, but god help me I am going to do it. For now I'm just going to pull her close to me and enjoy the next few hours of sleep with her. Then eventually I'll get up, make her breakfast and then give her anything else she asks me for. And God help me if I cant help but hope it's a little bit of the 'ole Pete special that she'll be lookin' for…

--

--

What in the hell? I just snapped awake because I'm freezing, and I realize now that the lack of warmth is due to the fact that my exceptionally hot partner is gone from my side. He left? His clothes are gone. He really freaking left? Oh shit, no this did not happen. Pete's potential freak out has turned into an actual, honest-to-God freak out. I should have known better than to ask him to sleep over, damn it.

Wait—I hear something downstairs. Do I dare try and stop him before he makes his sleasy getaway? Hell yes I do. I bolt through the door, down the stairs, just in time to catch him at the back door.

"Leaving?" I ask as coolly as possible, but really I feel like I might actually cry.

He gives me the most devastatingly handsome grin I think he may have ever given me. "I left you a note on the counter. I was going to make you breakfast, but you have absolutely no food in this house. What kind of grown woman doesn't buy groceries?"

A note? He was just going to the store? To buy food so that he could make me breakfast? Okay, maybe _I'm _the one about to have the honest-to-God freak out. Here I was assuming he was trying to sneak out on me. I swear to my maker, I have _got_ to stop thinking the worst. _Maybe_ Pete's different with me isn't an option anymore, Pete _is_ different with me. Just relax, take a breath, and banter with your man who wants to cook for you. God help us, we all know what happened last time he decided to do that. The two of us ended up naked on the counter right there, giving each other so much, I think maybe I'm still recovering... Okay, so back to reality here, I snap out of it, and Pete's staring at me like I've gone to the crazy farm, and I'm back to trying to spit out some witty response to his jab about the groceries.

"A busy one." Duh. "You sure you were going to the store?" Okay, you know I cant help but antagonize him just a little... "What did you plan on bringing the groceries back with? You brought your bike here yesterday, remember?"

"Oh Shit. You're right. I guess I'll be buying whatever I can squeeze into those little compartments. But it will still be more than you've ever seemed to have purchased yourself, so..."

Damn him and his smiles. They kill me. I'd walked down all the stairs and toward him at the door during our back and fourth and now he and I were just inches from each other.

"You can borrow my car." I say, wrapping my hands around his neck and I feel him exhale deeply and then wrap his arms around my waist.

"That's very generous of you. Do all your sleepover guests get car privileges or am I lucky?" He quips, his smile getting impossibly large.

"You're not lucky. I'm just that desprate for sustenance."

I brought my lips quickly to his then, because I cant stop myself. And I'd be lying if I told you the only kind of sustenance I needed from him was breakfast food... His lips are soft, and move perfectly with mine. It feels too good, he feels too good, and my head gets cloudy and I cant think about anything but this-- my days always beginning this way. As soon as he comes back I'm going to make sure he knows exactly what I want.

"You wanna go to the store with me?" he asks, finally pulling apart.

"I think I should take a shower, " I smile, thinking about us rolling around in the dirt yesterday.

"Okay," he kisses me again quickly, like a habit, a really amazing, I can imagine my future with you, kind of habit. And damn, I like it. "I'll hurry back."

"Good." I grab my keys off the counter behind me and toss them his way.

"How do you like your orange juice?" he stops at the door.

"What?"

"You know, pulp, no pulp?"

"With pulp. Please."

"You got it," he promises and fucking winks at me and I swear I'm ready to undress him again already. Be strong Addie. Go take your shower. A really cold fucking shower.

I drag my ass up the stairs and I am halfway to the bathroom when I hear a knock on the door. It can't be Pete, I heard my car pull away, what the hell? So I walk quickly back to the door, and when I get there, it's an even bigger what the hell?

It's Kevin. How is it possible that I'd actually forgotten about him? What in the hell do I do? What do I even begin to tell him?

"Good morning," He smiles.

"Kevin, Hi. What are you doing here?"

"It's Sunday. I thought maybe you might want to grab some breakfast. I haven't seen you in a few days. I miss you."

"Aw, well it was really thoughtful of you to stop by, but I'm just about to take a shower, I've got a whole list of things to do today."

Yeah, yeah, I know. Blowing him off is so Jr. High, but the thing is, I panic. I just cant break up with him, not now. I should. I mean, he told me he missed me. But the thing is, Pete said he missed me yesterday too, and when he did my stomach did a flip flop and my heart started pounding a mile a minute. That didn't happen just now, and that's a pretty big sign, right?

"Oh, okay. Well maybe I could call you later and we could go out to dinner sometime during the week."

"Yeah, that would be really nice. I'd like that."

"It was nice seeing you, Addison." He smiles and turns from the porch.

I close the door behind me, lean against it and sigh. I knock my head against the wood in frustration. What in the hell am I doing? I want to be with Pete. Helloooo. God, I can be so ridiculous sometimes. I blew the conversation with Kevin. I had every opportunity to tell him that I didn't want to be with him, but I couldn't. I don't know why...

Okay yes I do. I'm scared to take the chance on something I'm so unsure of. Being with Pete is like jumping off a cliff when you dont know how far you're going to fall or what the hell is going to happen when you finally reach the water. I'm scared. Just _trying _to make it work with Pete wasn't enough for me. But I do deserve to be happy, and I'm pretty sure not following my heart at this point isn't an option. I want to hold on to Kevin because it's safe. I always do what's safe. It's time for a change.

---

Pete returns from the store thirty minutes later, two full grocery bags in hand, and I'd just finished up in the bathroom when I could smell that he was definitely cooking. I'm not sure exactly how to go about this whole thing here, I mean, do I just come right out and tell him that I want be with him? That phrasing might scare him off just a little... Maybe I should just make sure that he knows that I want whatever is happening between us to be real. Yeah, that sounds right. Tell him that I want him to really know me. Ha, what wonderful conversation to be had over breakfast...

When I get to the kitchen he's hard at work, and I can't help but just watch him in silence for a few moments. I love the way he moves. Damnit, he's distracting.

"Pete, look, there's something I need to say. And when I'm nervous I tend to ramble and repeat things and stray away from the actual subject... but I'm going to try my best to... Okay, here's the thing... The other day when you said that this was more to you than just sex, that I wasn't just another notch in your acupuncture table--

"Addie, I meant it. Every word. I swear to you..." He turns to me from the stove.

"I know, I mean, I really really want to believe you, it's just, I'm a little scared."

"I know you are." He's smiling at me. "Let's eat breakfast." He serves up two plates of pancakes, eggs and toast and I follow him to the table. We ate in silence for a few minutes before I just couldn't take it anymore.

"When you said no more sex, you were serious, right? Because I'd really like you to get to know me without all of that getting in the way," I manage to say evenly, though I'm probably nuts for putting the breaks on the sex. Lets be honest, what the two of us do together is pretty freaking unbelievable. But this is what I need and I want this to work.

"I meant it. I want you to know me, too. I'll do what ever you want to make that happen." He's so smooth, I am almost sure I can believe everything he says. I don't want to feel like it's just something he's saying because he knows it's what I want to hear. I still only _think_ he means it.

"Okay," I smile. This is good. "But maybe we need some rules." Maybe they'll reassure me.

He laughs out loud at me, hard. Is it really that ridiculous of an idea? Actually, yes. Rules really didn't work out so well for us the last time around.

"What!?" I demand, "Are you laughing at me?" I grab a crust of unfinished toast and toss it at him across the table.

"Yes," he continues to chuckle, "You and I don't do so well with the whole rules thing."

"Okay, even so, It will make me feel better if we at least have them." I say quietly and pout just a little, I know how to get what I want from him, and it's working because he's reaching for my hand.

"Alright," he agrees, pulling me from my chair at the table and easing me into his lap. "Name 'em and you got it."

"Well, I guess the easiest thing would be to do exactly the opposite of our rules from before." He's got his hands around my hips, and mine somehow find their way into his hair.

"Okay... What exactly were those rules again?" I should have known he'd never have any intention of following any rules.

"Well, we said it was just sex. So now it's no sex."

"Got it."

"And, we said no talking about anything. So I guess that means we should talk about everything."

"I'm okay with that."

"We agreed not to say anything to anyone... Maybe we should keep that rule."

"I agree. Not that I'd want to hide you from anyone. It's just that our friends are a little nosy."

"And the practice doesn't need our relationship piled on top of all of the other things we have going on at work," I agree with him. This whole talking thing is working out perfectly so far.

"What about the sleepovers? You said no sleepovers... and then, well..." he trails off.

"I did say no sleepovers, so I guess that means you can sleepover anytime you want. As long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself."

"Absolutely not." He states matter-of-factly and we both smile.

"Umm, I think that was all of them, rules I mean." No, I know there was one more, but I'm scared to say it.

"There was one more. The most important rule of all, remember?" He eggs me on, we both know that I know.

"Don't fall in love with me." I say quietly, not looking in his eyes.

"So, I guess that means we get to fall in love with each other," he observes and I start to shift uncomfortably in his lap, but he steadies me. "That might be the only ridiculous rule out of the bunch we are actually able to follow."

I can't help it after that, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him hard. He can't even kiss me back because he's smiling so big, and I can't help but smile myself. But when I pull back, he gets serious.

"I had a rule too, remember?"

I look at him, puzzled. Damn it.

"If you decided to sleep with Kevin, then I was out." Oh, shit. I am breaking up with Kevin, I am.

"Oh--" I begin, but he doesn't even let me have a chance to speak before he continues.

"I know you stared sleeping with me because you wanted your relationship with him to work, and I realize that you being with me means that you've probably been thinking about what that means for the two of you and I just want you to know that I want you to follow your heart. If you need to be with both of us to decide what it is you're looking for then you should do that. I won't ask you to break up with him for me. I can't ask you to choose. I only want you to be happy. But I think that I should get to keep my rule. It might be more than my heart could take if you ever decided to ... just, promise you'll end it with me before you take it any further with him, okay?"

"Pete..." I dont even know where to begin at first. I am looking right into his eyes, and I am sure that he meant every word of what he just said to me. And now I know that I could never do anything to break his heart, just as I know he feels that about me, too. " You dont have to worry about Kevin. Pete, you're the_ only _one that I want to be wi--

But I didn't even need to finish the sentence before he had his lips on mine again, and this time it was all seriousness. His strong arms pulled me impossibly close and his lips crushed themselves helplessly to mine.

I'm in big trouble here.

* * *

I Know, it took forever. I hope people are still interested in the story. I really am on break from school soon, so it shouldn't ever be that long between updates again. Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. keep it up. Happy PrP Day and Happy Turkey Day tomorrow. hooray.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm in big trouble here.

This unbelievably beautiful woman, whom I love, is sitting in my lap, holding onto me tightly and kissing me so hard I almost forget how to breathe. Almost. And I honestly don't know how in the hell I'm supposed to keep myself in control here. All I want to do is undress her and make wild love to her right here on this chair. I want to tell her that I love her, and that it doesn't matter to me that we might not know everything about each other, or that we might not even be in an actual relationship, all that matters is that I can't ever remember loving anyone this much. But I can't tell her anything, not yet. Damn it Pete, get it together here.

"Let's move from here. If we stay in this house I'm going to want to do all kinds of dirty things with you." I say, pulling her lips from mine.

"Oh, really?" She smiles. Damn it. Doesn't she know that she was the one who made these stupid no sex rules?

"Yes." I say trying to stand up. "Must. Get up. From this chair." I mutter slowly as I bring the two of us to our feet.

"Why?" She she says and pouts her lower lip out at me.

"Because all I can think about is tearing off your clothes and having sex with you right here in this chair." I smile when I say this because I am almost positive that she wants that too, but she gives me a look that says something else, something I can't read. Now I have no idea what she's thinking.

"Well, okay then." She says after clearing her throat and shifting her mood. "What are we going to do?"

"Anything you want."

"Anything?" She repeats with her eyes wide.

"You're not going to make me regret that I said that, right?" I laugh.

"We'll see." She laughs, and pulls me by the arm right out the front door.

--

Thirty minutes later we're pulling into some mall just outside of Santa Monica. I've never been here before. I'm not a mall guy. But I try my best not to look like I'm not a mall guy. For Addison, I'll be any kind of guy she wants. But I think she can tell I'm putting on a brave face, because as we step out of the car, she comes around to my side and links her arm through mine.

"You said we could do anything I wanted." She smiles.

"Yes, I did." And I don't regret it, at least not yet.

"Just smile and follow me around while I get a few things I need. I wont be long and then we'll do whatever you want to do after, okay?" Her big blue eyes are staring right into mine and there is no way in hell, no way, that I could ever argue with anything that beautiful.

"Deal."

So we're shopping. Well, Addison is shopping. It's not terrible. It's not like I'm following behind her like a puppy, or like she's making me hold piles of clothes for her while she's in the dressing room or anything. It's nice, actually. She even asks my opinion on a few things. (Though my response was always the same. She looks beautiful in anything.) And I like clothes. I don't think I'm fashionable by any standards, but I dress well enough, so when she starts handing me things and telling me they'd look nice on me, I just go with it, because like I said, I don't say no to the eyes.

But about an hour into the shoping spree something hits me. I guess I was too caught up before, you know with the blue eyes and the clothes, but now that I've left to grab a drink and am heading back to find her, I notice something. Something that starts this uncontrolable burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. Guys are staring at her, and the burning, I'm positive is something closely resembling jealousy.

Guys are practically drooling over her. And hell, it's not like I can blame them, but it's killing me. I know it shouldn't bother me. It's not like we're twenty. It's not like I've never been married, or been seen with a beautiful woman before. So maybe that's the point, though. Why I never noticed guys staring before with those other girls. I was completely aware that I was with someone who most people, including myself, only saw as just attractive. It didn't matter to me about other men practically drooling over them because none of them ever meant anything more to me than just a pretty face. But I care too much about Addison to let all these guys just stare at her. I'm walking with her, damn it. Cant they see she's mine? They don't know anything about her. They don't know that she can make me smile by just the sound of her voice. They don't know that she's stubborn and neurotic and kind and brilliant. But I do.

So I grab her arm, slide my hand down until our palms meet and lace my fingers with hers. I pull her quickly to me and kiss her softly on the lips. She drops her bags to the ground and puts her newly freed hand on my cheek. She kisses me back harder for a second, but not long enough, before she pulls away and reaches down to collect her bags again.

"Pete..." She half laughs half mumbles as she's sorting through bags on the mall floor.

"What?" I say, crouching down to help her. "We're not allowed to kiss?"

"No, we can kiss." She says straightening up again, "I just need to be more prepared if you're going to sneak up on me like that. I can't just go dropping my bags every time you decide you want to kiss me."

"Sorry. I'll issue a warning next time, I promise."

"Okay." She scoffs a little, and we continue walking.

"Men are staring at you, you know." I tell her honestly.

"No they're not." She denies truthfully. Of course she's oblivious to the fact that she's turning the head of every male in this place, and even a few females too.

"Yes, Addie, they are."

She just shakes her head at me again and begins to drag me further down the mall. But she's holding my hand now, and it feels perfect.

--

I'll tell you something I've learned in the last three hours. I thought men really shouldn't go shopping, myself especially. I hate crowds. I hate wasting money on things I'll never use, and I hate thinking about all the other things I could possibly be doing besides shopping. But not today. I'm perfectly happy, I haven't been bothered at all by the crowds, I've wasted no money because Addison is so stubborn and wont allow me to pay for anything, and the only other thing I could possibly doing at this moment is Addison. And seeing as how we're not allowed to have sex anymore, I'll pretty much take a shopping day whenever I can get it.

I know I shouldn't even be thinking about having sex with her, but I can't help it. She's just so damn beautiful, and funny, and unique, and it's killing me. But this spending time together thing is anything but bad. I can officially say I had fun shopping. Just don't tell anyone else I ever said that. And now that we're headed back to the car, I'm trying to come up with something that I'll enjoy doing with her half as much as I've enjoyed this. Then it hits me. It doesn't matter. Anything we do, as long as I'm with her, makes me feel complete. Like I've waited my whole life for that void inside of me to feel full, and now it finally does. As ridiculous and as cliche as it sounds, she completes me.

"So, I hope I didn't completely bore you with my day of shopping. But I had a good time." She tells me once we're back in the car and on the road again.

"You definitely didn't bore me. I had a nice time, too." It was more than nice.

"Good." She nods and she's smiling that huge Addison Montgomery smile and it's all I can do to control myself. "Did you think of something you want to do. I owe you, after you turned out to be such a good sport about the whole shopping thing."

"Well I can think of one thing." I smile. Breaking rules is what we do. There's no way this no sex thing is lasting. No way.

"What's that?"

"Well, I'd really like it if we could have sex." I say, half serious, half tease.

But instead of some witty comeback, instead of an enthusiastic agreement of 'hell yes', she says nothing. She gets all nervous quiet again like she did this morning and I can't tell what she's thinking. After a few moments of me staring, waiting for her to say something she finally speaks.

"Maybe it would be better if I just went back home."

"Wait. Addie did I miss something? What just happened?" I question. But I know she's stubborn, and now that this has started, it's going to be a while before I figure out exactly what in the hell is going on here.

"Nothing." She tries to smile. This is going to take all day.

"Addie this is going to be a really long car ride if you don't tell me why you're so mad. I was just teasing. I know we decided not to, you know, do the dirty, but I just thought that since we're good at breaking the rules..." I smile and look over hoping that she'd be smiling too, but she's not. And I've now officially made it worse. "Oh come on, Addison. If I really made you angry, just tell me."

"I... It's just. It's stupid. Just forget about it, okay?" She's got a firm grip on the steering wheel, and she isn't looking over at me. Damn it.

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you. Just talk to me."

She takes a few deep breaths, like she's trying to get up the nerve to let it all out. And I wish she would. Addison isn't afraid to lay it to me straight, especially when I piss her off, and I don't know why now she's decided to try and hold back.

It takes her the entire ride home to muster the strength, but when we finally get out of the car and through the front door, she speaks.

"I want to trust you." She blurts out. "But I have trust issues, clearly. And just when I think that I... It's just that this morning you said we had to leave or you'd want to have sex with me, and then just now you said you'd like it if we had _sex_..." She takes another deep breath and though I'm confused as hell, I wait for her to continue."Until you said that, I'd forgotten that all this was before was just sex for you. I know I'm the one who wanted it that way, and I know I made up these rules and asked you to follow them, it's just... _I_ couldn't. And I know I can't be mad at you for doing exactly what I asked of you. I guess I just hoped, because to me it felt like it had been more, that maybe it was more than just sex for _you_. But you keep reminding me that it wasn't and I'm just... just trying to figure this whole thing out but I'm so confused and..."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you. I let you rant there for a second so you'd feel like you were letting it all out, but Addison. You're insane, certifiable. And yet you're so fantastically crazy that it's quickly becoming my most favorite thing about you." I brush my fingers across her jaw and pull her closer to me with my other hand. "And Addison, it was never just sex. Even when you asked me to promise it would be. That's why I couldn't, before, that night when I stood you up. I got so scared I'd ruin everything because it would have only been about the sex. But not now. I could never have been with you unless it meant more than that. Addie it was never just sex, I was always making love with you. I'm just a stupid guy who didnt think, I didn't think about how it would sound to you if I said that, but you have to know..."

"Pete, I can't do this." She trys to pull away, but there's no way I'm letting her go.

"Yes you can. Talk to me. It was one of our rules. So talk." I insist, and she blinks through a few tears and looks up at me.

"I'm just... God, I don't know, Pete, I'm feeling about ten different kinds of happy and scared and confused and I'm just.. Ohhh." She takes a deep breath out. "I am and emotional wreck, damn it. I'm... You should just go, now."

"Stop." I insist, grabbing both her hands in mine so she cant even think about moving. "Stop. Tell me why you're happy and scared and confused. Tell me everything."

We stand there staring at each other for what feels like minutes. She's pursing her lips together, trying not to cry. But I wait, and I smile, and rub my hands across the back of hers, because if we can do this, if we can get it all out there and there isn't any more fears or questions, we, the two of us, might just be the real freaking thing.

"I'm happy because you're here with me." She starts and I can't help but smile. "But I'm confused because I don't have any idea what we are or what you're thinking and I'm scared because I don't know if we want the same things or if because _this_," She says motioning between us, "has started so dysfunctional hat we've already decided how the rest of our relationship is going to be. That is if this _is_a relationship. Because if you don't want it to be then... Oh God. I'm sorry. I told you I ramble a lot when I'm nervous."

She shaking her head and looking down at the ground and she's just so damn cute it almost kills me.

"Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"If I tell you what I want will you promise to let me finish and not interrupt me until I'm done?"

"Yes."

"I want to be with you. I want to be with you and I've never wanted anything else more in my life. I want a relationship with you because we've been through too much for it to be anything less. I don't want you to be with Kevin. I want you all to myself. I was extremely jealous of all the guys staring at you at the mall today. The thought of them experiencing any of the things that I have with you, it didn't seem fair. I want to be the guy you laugh with and the guy you wake up next to. I want to be the guy who holds your bags at the mall for you while you're in the dressing room. And I don't want to you to ever feel like you can't trust me. I'll keep trying every day to earn all of your trust. But I need to you to promise that you'll try. Try to be the kind of girl who can trust a guy like me."

"Okay." She replies through more tears, but the corners of her mouth are scrunching up and I know she's ready to smile.

"After all that, all you're going to say is 'okay'?" She nods. "Because after all that I figured you'd have more to say."

"All of those things that you want, I want them, too."

"You want to hold my bags for me while I'm in the dressing room?" I tease.

"If that means you'll go shopping with me whenever I want, then yes." She's got the full smile now, teeth and all, and I can't help but wrap my arms tight around her and hug her with everything I have. "Will you stay here with me tonight? Maybe we could order dinner and watch a movie or something?"

"That sounds perfect."

--

One enormous order of Chinese and two movies later I find myself again climbing the stairs with a sleeping Addison making my way to her bed. Only this time, I don't wait for her to ask me to stay. I lay her in bed first, peel off my shirt, and climb in next to her. We have work in the morning, and I'm not sure how that's all going to work. But we'll figure it out. All I can think of now is this. And I know I promised I wouldn't say it again, until I was sure she knew I meant it with everything I am. But, she's asleep and it's right there on the tip of my tongue and I cant help it. I say exactly what I said to her last night, what I want to say to her every night.

"I love you. I know you'd call me crazy, but one day you'll believe me. Every single thing about you. I love you." And I hope to God one day you'll say you love me too.

* * *

Happy New Year, Everyone. Promise my Resolution is to upstate more. Don't throw things. The serious lack of anything Addie/Pete on the show has put me in a sour mood lately which left this chapter half written for quite sometime. But now that there's a break from the show and I went back and watched some season 1 episodes, the love returned. Thanks for all the kind reviews, enjoy.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

New Chapter. yay. As much as I want to be donee with hot cop, here and on the show, you really didn't think he'd just disappear that easily did you? There has to be a tiny bit of drama to keep it interesting. Thanks again for all the kind reviews, it means a lot and really helps this busy girl to remember that she loves writing fic way too much to not update. Enjoy.

* * *

I'm a freaking mess. There is an alarm buzzing in my ear, damn it. I know it's Monday morning and that it's necessary that I move from here, but the thing is, I just can't. Pete slept here again last night and not only is he half on top of me, making it impossible for me to move even if I want to, but he also told me he loved me again last night. When he thought I was sleeping. It almost kills me, to hear him say it, because I know he means it. I can hear it in his voice. But if he means it, I can't figure out why in the hell he just won't say it to my face.

We had a productive day yesterday, and not just having to do with the shopping. We talked yesterday. We, well I, kind of had a breakthrough. I finally said what I wanted and why I was scared and he asked me to trust him. So I'm going to. But that still doesn't mean I'm not irritated at the fact that he won't just tell me that he loves me to my face. Sure it's only been a couple of weeks, okay, a couple of days really. But it's not like we don't know each other. Okay, well we know _some_ things about each other. Shit. Maybe he thinks it's too soon to say it out loud. We're practically strangers. Only, we're not. Though it's statistically impossible, I still feel like he knows me better than anyone. Maybe I feel that because I _want_ him to, you know, know me better than anyone. Over thinking things is exactly what gets me into trouble, so for now, I'm just going to relax and figure out a way to get this man (whom I love too, by the way) off me long enough so that I can escape to the shower.

It's almost impossible, though. He's got his left arm wrapped around my middle, his chest and shoulder half covering my body, and his head resting in the crook of my neck. When I turn my face toward him, my mouth finds his forehead perfectly and I kiss him there a few times and then attempt to pull myself out from under him with all I've got.

How is he sleeping through this damn alarm any way? He really should get up. He's been in the same clothes for two days. He needs to go home and change and shower. We've got to get to work. Shit. Work. I hope we can keep it professional. There isn't anything worse than the two of us adding more relationship drama to the practice than what we've already got thanks to Naomi and Sam. And the thing is, I want this to be private. Me and Pete. I don't need to know anything else, what other people think. Our friends don't know what's good for us anyway.

"Pete." I say loudly after finally getting free and flicking the alarm clock off on the night stand. "Pete. Get up. We're going to be late for work."

"Ten more minutes." I hear him mumble into the pillow as he turns away from me.

I have to laugh a little, because I never pictured Pete as not a morning person. I can't help but smile from ear to ear at the very sight of him. He's so gorgeous. He's muscular, perfectly tanned, with the perfect amount of chest hair. He's got wonderful cheekbones, a killer smile, and the darkest, kindest eyes. I close my eyes for just a second and try to picture in my head what it feels like when his entire naked body brushes over mine. My heart and my stomach does a flip flop and but my eyes shoot open again before my head gets any crazy ideas, like jumping this beautiful man in my bed. It's too early to be day dreaming anyway.

"Ten more minutes." I half whisper, half laugh while resetting the alarm and putting it on the pillow right next to his ear.

I walk slowly to the bathroom and half close the door behind me. I rid myself of unwanted clothing, turn on the faucets and let the water warm. I look at my reflection in the mirror for a second, and though my hair is matted all funny and yesterdays eyeliner is running across my cheek, I actually look relaxed. I can't help but smile. I feel content, and happy, and I like it. I run my fingers through my messy hair a few times as I cross back to the shower, pull back the curtain and step in.

I let the hot water fall down my face, my breasts, thighs and then I let my head fall back and I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the warm water on my skin. I swear my eyes have been closed for only a minute, but I'm must be dreaming again already because I swear I can hear something behind me.

And yeah, I have to be dreaming, because I'm thinking I feel breath against my neck and then hands on my skin. Okay, I know I said no crazy ideas, but I can just fantasize for five minutes like this... it would be a shame to waste.

"Pete." I smile and exhale. I let his hands slide forward toward my hips and then my stomach. He dips his head lower until his lips reach my neck. He places slow deliberate kisses across my shoulder, up my neck and then he stops just below my ear. There, he laps and tugs at my skin with his tongue and teeth and damn it, it's all I can do not to lose it. I put a hand to the tile wall to help steady me when his hands start to move lower. My knees are shaking and I'm not sure how much longer I can let him touch me before they actually give way.

"Addie," he breathes softly into my ear, "Don't worry, I've got you." And I almost open my eyes, because I swear his voice sounds so close, so real.

Dream Pete turns me around in his arms so that I'm finally facing him and then he moves us both so that we're facing away from the water. He brings his lips slowly to mine and kisses me softly. He begins to slowly back me against the far wall, and instead of putting my hands behind me to catch myself on the wall like a good dream Addison should do, I forget, and though not extremely hard, my head still manages to make contact with the wall before the rest of me.

I breathe in sharply, I wasn't supposed to actually feel that. "Ouch." I manage to say and I have no choice but to open my eyes then. Since when did my dreams actually turn violent on me?

"I'm sorry. I should have warned you we were coming up on tile there."

"Pete?" I blink. And when he doesn't disappear, I try rubbing the water out of my eyes, but nothing, he's still there. I wasn't dreaming, at all. I take a sharp breath, "Pete, you scared me."

"I dont..." He trails off shaking his head, "Are you okay?" He's completely confused.

"I thought I was dreaming." I admit, but I can't help but laugh a little at how ridiculous this is.

"About me I hope." He smiles.

"I did say _your_ name, didn't I?" I tease.

"That's true," he agrees. "I guess I should be excited that you're having dreams about me. Although it wouldn't be the first time..." He scrunches up his nose a little as he teases me, but I don't care. It's the truth. It's not the first time. "Was I a cowboy or a gladiator this time? Because I tend to picture myself as more of the gladiator type." I smack his arm this time. Smart ass.

"Stop it. You can't be in here while I'm showering, touching me like that. We're not supposed to be having sex."

"I was only trying to conserve water." God he's sexy when he's annoying.

"I see... and your excuse for the touching and the kissing..." I drag out, waiting for his answer. And he's quiet for a minute and he just looks at me.

"Yeah, I got nothing," he says finally and we both laugh. "Can't I just want to take a shower with my girlfriend?"

What? His girlfriend?

"Am I your girlfriend?" It's not that I don't want to be, but the word just sounds so funny. He feels like more than that.

"We do seem a little old for that word, I guess. What do you suppose I call you then? My lovaa?" He teases and then starts to laugh.

"Nope. I cant be your lov_er _because we're not sleeping together, remember?"

"Right, so girlfriend it is then."

I cant help but smile. "Well your _girlfriend_ needs to wash her hair now, and _you _need to get home and get a change of clothes before work."

"But five more minutes isn't going to kill us," he says returning is lips to mine, my body finding itself pushed up against the tile wall again. He's got one hand in my hair, the other on the wall behind me to balance us.

"Five more minutes," I manage to mumble against his lips.

We're _so_ going to be late.

---

---

Work isn't weird. It's not complicated. It feels normal, and not like we're trying too hard. I do think I blush a little too much when I catch him looking at me over coffee cups and patient files, but I digress. I may have always done that, before all this.

We have two patients together today, and it's nice. We haven't worked together in a while and I've missed it. There's something about the two of us when we're in action that I can't explain. It's like, we get to kick ass and save lives, and when we get to do it together... I don't know, it's just special, and it feels good that we just _work_, in more than one sense of the word. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling _great _about everything. About this actually, possibly, being possible. Us, me and Pete, being together and working together without everything going to hell. I'm in no way saying throw a party in our victory is what I want at this point. But if we work at it a little, I don't see why this cant be what it's like everyday. And that makes me smile. I never really thought about exactly what I saw in the future for me and Pete, but just this, being content and happy, I'm beginning to think that that's all I ever really needed. And if anything more should happen, like new jobs, or kids or marriage, I would be more than excited, but maybe, this man and how he makes me feel, was the only thing I was waiting for. The only thing I ever really needed.

And as I walk from the break room to the front desk, I'm positive nothing could ruin the way I'm feeling. But then I look up, and I see _him_, and it went from nothing to almost nothing.

"Kevin, Hi."

"Hey. I was going to call, but I was in the neighborhood and I thought... Why not, you know? So, what do you say? You up for lunch?"

"Kevin.. I, I'm kind of busy today. I don't think --

But the elevator door opens at that moment, and reveals the last person I wanted to have to see this conversation.

"Kevin, Hey." Pete nods and then turns and gives me a look I cant particularly read. "Addison."

Kevin nods back and damn it, I hate this. The room is full of awkward tension. And I asked for all of it, I did. I should have told Kevin yesterday when he showed up at my door that it was over with us. But I didn't, and now all I have is this, and I'd better think of something quick, or the awkward silence is going to kill me.

"Pete, can I talk to you for just one second?" I ask grabbing him by the arm. "Kevin, hang on for a minute, I'll be right back."

I pull Pete down the hall to my office and close the door. I exhale, and try to choose my words carefully.

"I had no idea he was coming here." I breathe.

"It's okay, I know why he's here."

"You do?" My eyes shoot open wide as I look at him.

"Of course. You're brilliant and funny and beautiful. What man in their right mind wouldn't be here. I'm not the only guy you've got, you know, falling for you." I'm pretty sure you've already _fallen_, buddy. Choose your words carefully there, Pete.

I give him a look, like he better damn well know that what he just said was stupid. And he smiles at me while shaking his head in defeat.

"I didn't know he was going to come here today, okay? Yesterday he asked if we could go to dinner and I thought that maybe--

"Wait? Yesterday?" Pete interrupts. Damn it. That wasn't smart. Honesty Addison, just tell him the truth.

"He came over to the house yesterday while you were at the store. He asked if he could take me to breakfast. I politely declined, and asked him if maybe we could have dinner--

"And then after you found yourself a dinner date, you told me _I _was the only one you wanted to be with. So I'm a little confused. Not angry, since I do remember saying you were allowed to decide for yourself who you wanted to be with, but a little _angry_ since I called you my girlfriend this morning though, apparently, I'm not your only boyfriend." He puts emphasis on the second angry, and though he's not actually yelling, I can tell he wants to be.

"If you would let me actually finish a damn sentence then you'd hear me tell you that I asked him to dinner so that I could break up with him. I felt awful just sending him away right there on my doorstep. I know it's weird, but he was nice to me, and I felt like I at least owed him a proper break-up."

"And the reason you didn't tell me all of this yesterday wasn't because you were trying to hide it from me..."

"The reason I didn't tell you yesterday was because all I wanted to do was spend the day with _you_. I was trying to avoid this, which was a bad idea, obviously. But we had enough to deal with yesterday that I just wanted to keep Kevin out of it."

"Okay," he breathes, "Go have lunch with your other boyfriend already would you." But he's smiling that Pete Wilder smile, and I see the smart ass look in his eyes and I know we're okay. I'd like it better if he'd come over here and kiss me, but the blinds are open and Kevin (and now a few members of the practice) is looking in at us.

"Can you come over tonight? I'd like to thank you properly for being such an understanding boyfriend." I say with raised eyebrows.

"I'll be there." He winks at me and then lets himself out of my office. I take a deep breath, then make my way back out to Kevin.

"Everything okay?" He asks when I return.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure he could take care of our patient without me, and he can, so I'm free for lunch." Why did I just lie?

"Perfect."

We make our way down to the lobby and out the door and when he gestures for his car, I offer to walk somewhere close as an alternative. I'm really not comfortable being alone with him, in a car. I don't know why. Just breathe Addison. You can do this.

"I can't do this." I say suddenly, turning to him. We're only half a block away from the practice and this already feels wrong. I shouldn't be here with him. I need Pete.

"Walk?" He laughs, "It was your idea."

"No." I shake my head. "This," I say again.

"Lunch?" He asks confused.

"Yes, I mean no. Yes. I... not lunch. Us, you and me. I should have told you yesterday. I... I can't see you anymore, I'm sorry. It wasn't anything you did, or didn't do. You're a very nice man, and I do like you. It's just that... I'm in love with someone else." Well shit, I didn't expect to say that. It just sort of came out. How could I have told Kevin that I love Pete before I've even told Pete? Damn it.

"Okay." He says nodding, obviously trying to take it all in, and I don't blame him. I practically vomited an 'I love another man' all over him.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry." He says trying to smile. "Pete's a lucky guy."

"How did you...?" Is it really that obvious? Because if it is we're so screwed.

"When he got off the elevator before he looked like he wanted to kill me, and I don't blame him. If I were him I'd want you all to myself, too."

"Kevin, I really am sorry."

"Don't be. Listen, I'm not mad. Maybe we could be friends?" Friends? I'm not too sure how my boyfriend would feel about that.

"Okay." Just because I agree, doesn't mean anything. I'm just being polite.

"Would you like me to walk you back?" He asks sweetly.

"Well your car is at the practice isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. But I didn't know if Pete might be angry if he saw us together."

"Pete's not really the angry type."

"Good." He says and we turn back and head toward the practice.

Damn it. I _did_ just break up with him, right? Somehow I feel like Pete's not going to be happy with me if I tell him about this. When, I mean, _when_ I tell him about this. Damn it.


	8. Chapter 8

It's been going well, really well. Addison and I are dating, I mean really dating. We're together, well as together as we can be. It's tough trying to be in a relationship with someone you work with when no one _else_ that you work with can know you're together. It's frustrating at times, but if we don't focus on that, if we just realize that part of our relationship is out of our control, everything else is working out perfectly.

Three months is all it's been, but I honestly can't remember my life before she existed in it, before there was an us. I have someone to think about before myself, someone to laugh with and tease and wake up next to. It's something I'd completely given up on, something I wasn't even sure I wanted to find. But now that I have it, have her, there's no way I'd ever go back from this. We haven't slept together in three months, well technically I sleep at her place almost every night, but I sleep next to her. Which is perfect, and I can honestly say it's nearly impossible for me to fall asleep without her. I've enjoyed it, taking it slow, getting to know each other for real. That's what she wanted, so I wanted it too. I love her. I mean truly, deeply, his and her towels, grow old together kind of love. I'm not going anywhere. So you can see how it would be a little frustrating, knowing that I love her and all, that I can't make love to her. I'm not allowed to make love to the woman I'm in love with. Something isn't right here. There's a simple solution and I know you're thinking it too. Just tell her you love her, duh. Simple? Not entirely. I told you I needed her to know it and believe it and love me back as much as I love her. And maybe it's selfish for me to be waiting until I know for sure she'll say it back, but it's just that this is it for me, this love, and if I screw with it, if I manage to somehow ruin the best part of my life, I don't know what I'll do.

So here I find myself, in her kitchen--our kitchen, making her dinner and waiting impatiently for that fiery burst of red hair and heals to clamor through the door, throw her things aside and kiss me hard like she always does after a long night at St. Ambrose. And when it finally happens, she bursts through the door, throws her arms around me and plants her lips firmly on mine, it's all I can do to remind myself not to mess with this. That this is perfect and I'd rather die than not be with this woman, that I'd give up anything for her. So I kiss her back and say 'welcome home' and I don't say anything more in fear of it all coming to a crashing end. But there is this one thing, this one feeling nagging at the back of my mind. "Fall in love with each other." It was one of the rules, the rules we agreed on. But we broke the rules. Rules have gotten me confused, rules are killing me here. It's on the tip of my tongue. I love you. Just tell her.

"Dinner smells fantastic," she says instead. Damn it.

"Well, I am a fantastic cook you know." I mumble as I turn my attention back toward the stove.

"I'm gonna go change, okay? I'll be right back." She says brushing behind me and giving my ass a little squeeze on the way through. And just as quickly as she'd hurried through the door she was up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Damn it if I've never loved her more than I do right now, screw this. I put the stove on low, pull the bread from the oven and bolt after her up the stairs and to her room--our room.

"Ad?" I call half way up the stairs.

"What?" She calls from the bedroom and turns around to meet me in the hallway.

Before she has a second to realize what I'm doing, I've got a hand cupped around her jaw, one around her hip and I pull lips toward mine. I push back gently so her body makes contact with the wall. I immediately feel her smile against my lips as she brings her hands to my chest. My hands trace along her jaw and the curve of her hip and she sighs from deep in her chest.

"Miss me?" She mumbles in between kisses.

"So much." I manage to say back, though I never really bring my lips away from hers.

"I missed you, too." She breathes and I feel her hands slide from the front of my chest down to the hem of my shirt. She slowly slips one hand up under my shirt to bare skin and my breath hitches in my throat.

"What?" She half giggles against my lips. "Don't like it when I tease you?"

"I'm through with the teasing Ad." I say somewhat firmly and she stops and looks right into my eyes.

"Pete..." She starts.

"Seriously Ad, when are we going to stop this no sex dance, because I-"

"Pete, I thought you understood where I was coming from and why I wanted it to be like this." She says looking at me with those damn eyes. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones I can't say no to.

"I do, Addison. I'll wait forever, I will. It's just that what we did together, the things I felt. I miss that. I miss making love with you."

She smiles, slowly, and returns her lips to mine.

I'm not sure what to think. She didn't exactly ask me to rip her clothes off, but she didn't exactly tell me not to either. So I press my entire body against hers and kiss her hard. My lips close perfectly around hers and together they move slowly yet wonderfully fierce. Her hands find their way to my hair and mine reach for the buttons on her blouse. As I begin pulling buttons through respective holes I move my mouth from hers to the curve of her neck and let my tongue lap at her collarbone.

"Pete..." She breathes and I feel her hands grab my shoulders.

There are things to be said, yes, but not now. The feelings are all surfacing right this moment and I'm going to show her just how much she means to me. I continue to kiss along her jaw, but when she moans again from deep in her throat I can't think about kissing her neck or below her ear or down her chest anymore. I'm too selfish, I have to return my lips to hers. I take them in mine, hard, and I'm lost. Boneless with desire for this woman. It only grows, too when she manages to push us from the wall, strip off my t-shirt, kick of her heals, all while backing us through the bedroom door. Amazing, this woman. Because I'm sure I was the one who started all this, but now we've made it to the bed, and somehow she's on top of me.

It kinda feels like we're teenagers again, doing something we probably shouldn't be doing. Maybe that's why it feels so damn good, and I can't help but smile. We're both shirtless, Addison straddling my hips, both hands on my face. I manage to sit up, so that she's in my lap and I'm holding on to her so tight I'm surprised she can still breathe. She just laughs against my mouth and then sinks her teeth into my bottom lip and tugs just enough for it to hurt in the best possible way. I can't help but laugh back as I try, ever so smoothly, to change our position on the bed so that I'm in control again. And then it hits her, both of us. She's ready for this. I'm finally above her, looking down into her face and her looking into mine, she gives me the softest of smiles, pecks my lips, and then pushes down on my jeans. I reach around for the zipper on her skirt, and I'm fumbling, obviously, because it's about to finally happen. But eventually I manage to pull it away, we're finally skin to skin, and then I hear something.

"Hello?"

Addison and I freeze. Still looking into each others faces, trying to convince ourselves that neither of us had been the one to speak. It was a male voice, but I still can't make out to whom it belongs.

"Anybody home? Addison?" The voice is getting closer, like they're coming up the stairs. "It smells like somethings burning down there are you okay?" Now footsteps in the hallway. We both look at each other in a panic. Someones about to find out about us. And it wouldn't be so bad, say if they'd caught us kissing in the kitchen. No, we had to be seconds from... well you know. We're obviously naked here, not good.

Addison reaches for a blanket at the end of the bed and somehow manages to cover us both before Cooper rounds the corner into the bedroom.

"Cooper! What in the hell are you doing here!" Addison shouts, and I can't help but bury by head into her neck to hide my face, otherwise I may have started laughing.

"Oh, my. I hope you guys enough time to um, finish. So sorry to interrupt." Cooper begins to chuckle, and being Cooper, he can't look away.

"Cooper, get the hell out of here so we can get dressed, will ya?" I bark at him.

"Sure. I'll be downstairs, making sure the kitchen isn't on fire." He's still laughing as he makes his way back down the hall.

"Damn it." Addison curses, pulling away from me and searching the floor for her clothes. "He's going to tell everyone."

"Not everyone. He'll tell Violet, and she'll tell everyone." I laugh, pulling my shirt over my head.

"This really isn't funny Pete. This is not going to go over well." She's got her bra on and her blouse half buttoned up, and damn it if I'm not about to kill Cooper right now. "What the hell do you think he's doing here anyway?"

"I'm thinking he didn't come here hoping to find the two of us naked, so your guess is as good as mine."

We finally make our way down stairs, and Cooper smiles from ear to ear as soon as he sees us.

"So..." He drags out, "How long have you two been doing it? And why don't any of us know about it?"

"Cooper, what the hell are you doing here?" Addison asks again, but not looking directly at him, obviously still embarrassed.

"I was trying to find Sam. He's not home. I needed to talk and I saw your lights on. The back door was unlocked and when you didn't answer I came in and your kitchen smelled like smoke and I was worried. I really am sorry I interrupted."

"It's fine. Look, no one knows about us and we'd really like to keep it that way. So can you please, please keep this to yourself?" Addison pouts.

"If you answer my questions."

"This isn't something we're going to bargain over, Coop." I tell him. "This is between Addison and me. We don't want everyone involved."

"Just humor me. I won't tell. I just want to know how long you guys have been doing it. I didn't catch you doing anything freaky which leads me to suspect I walked in on your first time, but seeing as how the table is set for two, I'm thinking this is more than just sex."

"It wasn't the first time. The first time was three months ago and we were doing perfectly fine at keeping this a secret until you had to come nosing around in here unannounced. Addison and I are together, and we'd like to keep it that way. So don't go saying anything to Violet. She'll open her big mouth to Naomi, and Naomi really isn't going to like this." I can't help but look over at Addison after I say this, not knowing what her expression will be.

But she's smiling, and maybe it wont be so bad after all.

"What did you come here to talk about, Coop? Want to stay for dinner?" Addison asks sweetly, as she makes to the cabinet to grab another place setting.

"You mean the dinner you burnt while you were upstairs screwing each other." We both shoot him a look. "Yeah, okay. I'll stay for dinner."

We spent the next two hours listening to Cooper ramble on and on about Violet and Charlotte, Charlotte and Violet. Until he said he'd had enough and wanted us tell him all about _us_. Which wasn't all bad. It was actually a relief to have someone else know about us, a little pressure off knowing we could talk about us being together without someone looking at us like we were crazy. He was happy for us, which he mentioned every other word. But still, nice to hear. And when the wine ran out and the dishes were finished, Coop politely excused himself, but not before promising us both that he'd keep our little secret.

A few minutes later Addison made her way out to the deck while I put a pot of tea on. After the water boils and I've fixed us both a cup, I follow outside after her. She is wrapped in a blanket facing the water. The sun has gone down just enough for there to only be a little pink and orange left in the sky and the colors mix beautifully against Addison's skin. All I want to do is touch her. I settle myself behind her in the lounge chair while I hand her the cup of tea.

"Thank you." She smiles. "I guess maybe we should talk about what happened today."

"Don't worry about Cooper. I really don't think he's going to give us any trouble about this." I say rubbing my free hand across her shoulders.

"I know. I'm not worried about Cooper. I mean about what happened, well almost happened, with us." She says turning herself around so that she's facing me.

"Or we could not talk about it, and just do it." I smile.

"I forgot you were more of a 'do it' guy." She teases back, but I sense we're not going to actually, you know, do it. At least not tonight. "It's not that I'm still waiting for it to feel right between us or anything. Of course it feels right and you're the only person I want to make love with. It's just..." She trails off and lowers her head and I hate when she does that. She doesn't look at me and she's scared to tell me what's on her mind and I hate feeling like I don't have all of her.

"Addie, what? Please tell me." I put my hand under her chin and tip her head up until I can see her eyes again.

"I told you all about my ex-husband and Mark and what a mess that all was, but I'm not sure if I really told you just how much it hurt me. How much it changed me."

I nod, remembering back to all the conversations we'd had in the past three months about our marriages and things that happened, but we never really did get down to all the hurtful details. We figured just knowing what happened was enough, that exposing more than that would be too much. But it's killing her, I can see it in her eyes. So I need her to tell me.

"Tell me."

"I know we wanted to spare each other the details, so I'm sorry I'm letting this get to me. It's just that the last person that I loved forgot about me, and I cheated on him. I don't regret it, but then again, I do. I should have been stronger, I should have been a better person. All the lies and all the betrayal almost killed me. I don't want to make the same mistakes again."

She's quiet for a minute, trying to calm herself, I can tell she wants to get through this, be strong. But I dont mind seeing her cry. I wish she'd let it all go.

"Before you, I can't even remember the last time I slept with someone who really cared about me, about making love with me. When Derek and I got back together, he was never thinking about me. He was in love with someone else. And when I slept with Mark, it was only to make myself feel better, knowing that there was someone who wanted me. But we never really loved each other, we needed each other, but it wasn't love. So, being with you scares me. Because this is the first time since all of that where I actually feel..." She can't keep it all in, and tears spill slowly over onto her gorgeous face. "I'm scared that you'll leave me. Or that I'll cheat on you. I'm scared that maybe it's neither of those things and that the scary thing is that this might actually be the real thing, and I'm mad at myself because I can't just be normal. Just some girl with no baggage. I'm furious that Derek and Mark made this hole inside of me and no matter how hard I fight I can't seem to figure out why it wont go away."

Damn it. I want to kill them, both. I hate that they did this to her. I hate that she has to be so scared. But we're the same, she and I.

"When Anna died, there were so many things I never said. There were so many things that she did to me, things I can never forgive her for. There is a peice of me that no longer exists because of her. A hole in my heart so big I thought I'd die before I ever figured out how to fix it. And I can't explain it, but there are these moments when you look at me, when I make you laugh, when I wake up next to you, I forget that it hurt so much and I remember what it felt like to be around someone who makes me feel like a whole person." She looks at me, cheeks still streaked with tears, and I bring my hands to her face," You did that for me. I hope that someday I can do that for you."

That may have been the wrong thing to say, because a few more silent tears escape behind her closed eyes. Damn it.

"I didn't mean to imply that you dont make me feel whole Pete. I didnt mean to say that I always feel empty, of course I don't feel that way when I'm with you. That was wrong of me, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I know that's not what you meant. I just want you to be happy. I want you to know that you deserve more than they ever gave you. I hope that one day you'll see that I'm not like them, and that this isn't just some repeat of what used to be. And I hope that one day you won't be scared to love me."

"I know that you're a different man. I never felt like this, not with either of them. That's why it's so scary. I'm not used to it being different. I'm not used to... Pete, please don't think that I don't... It kills me to know you think that I don't--"

But she doesn't finish. It kills her to know that I think she doesnt love me? Is that what she's trying to say?

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we please talk about something else?" She sighs, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Please?"

Of course. Anything for you. Did I mention that? That I'd do anything for you? I rub my hands on her shoulders and smile as big as I can.

"Wanna talk about how much trouble Cooper is in? Who does he think he is trying to juggle two women?" I hope my change of subject helps relax her, and I think it does, because she turns back around and leans back against my chest. I wrap both my arms around her and hold her close to me.

"He's Cooper. Did you really expect anything less?" She laughs.

We finally relax and it's nice, content, and we just sit, together, for another hour talking about Cooper, about work, about anything else but us. But _us_ is so much more than it was two hours ago. We had a breakthrough tonight. We're not totally there yet, but we're close. We're getting awfully close.

* * *

No excuses, I've been terrible at updating. Honestly, I just lost it for a while. The direction everything was going on the show was throwing off all of the ideas in my head. The Addie Pete scene in Wait and See helped me get back in the mood and made me not forget that I really do love them together even if TPTB do not. Hope it hasn't been too long and that there's at least someone who still wants these two to be together as much as me. Ha.

* * *


End file.
